


I'd Rather be a Rocket Scientist

by Thylna



Series: Why me? [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Attempt at Humor, Confused Inquisitor, F/F, F/M, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Modern Girl in Thedas, Multi, Not good surprises, Or maybe just near dying, Responsibility, Surprises, Swearing, There's some dying, becaus i can't right now, it's not explicit, like all my fics, oh god the fluff, sort of smut, there's no planning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-01-22 17:37:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 31,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12487188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thylna/pseuds/Thylna
Summary: The breach happens, Corypheus wants to be a god, the entire world is demanding help but questions the source of it and Jazlynn just wants a nap.(Adaar/Sera comes in later)





	1. Everything is Going to be Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends, I'm back.  
> (I highly recommend reading part 1 & 2 of this series before reading this, because otherwise, you'll be confused.)

This wasn't supposed to happen, at least not like this. A plan of some sort should've been made, or maybe faster and smarter instincts.

Well to be fair, luck has never been on Jazlynn's side. Sometimes it felt like a higher being was playing a game with her life to see just how close to death she could get before falling. 

It started relatively easy. There were some simple and secretive plans made up on the spot while she hid high up in the trees. She never fully slept, her eyes and ears were always on guard, watching and listening. From afar she could see almost everything, the soldiers patrolling and the bandits sneaking away, her eyes followed said bandits to their secret camps. Once the path was clear, she stealthily and soundlessly sprinted closer to the secluded camps hidden in the snowy landscape. Once she found a camp, she climbed back up a tree and made trails for the scouts to follow. Her cheap throwing daggers whizzed through the air and expertly hit a tree or the ground, with the help of her knowledge of physics, she never missed a shot. 

The day of the Conclave was rapidly approaching, the people were getting lively as they chattered over drinks. Jazlynn saw it all from her position and heard some of it as well. From simply eavesdropping she quickly learned of the actual nature of the Conclave, that Magister X letter did not cover much other than the location and the fact of the estranged 'Elder One' would be there. What was about to happen? She had no idea, so she spoke to no one. 

_I'm thinking the Elder One won't even show up, I get the feeling the Elder One is posing as Corypheus because once Hawke's enemies get dead, they stay dead. This will be an easy job: sneak around, eavesdrop on the important stuff and get out. I'll be in Redcliff with Garrett in no time._

_Hopefully._

The awaited day finally arrived, Divine Justinia gave a long speech about peace before strutting inside the main part of the temple, Templar and mage leaders trailing behind her.  Jazlynn grinned at the thought of a truce being put between the Templars and the mages, after 8 years of being in this world, she'd seen enough. The people themselves were ecstatic at the same notion, no more blood mages or Templars gone mad with desperation to wreak havoc. It felt surreal, to say the least. 

However, the job was not over. But thankfully, the slightly ruined temple offered little to no resistance to sneaking in. 

_Oh! Look at that! I've got an easy job, there isn't anyone around this part of the temple so I can waltz right in there._

She leisurely yet carefully wandered the nearly decrepit halls, slowly getting suspicious of the lack of people. Her footsteps resonated against the stone tiles, emphasizing how bare the corridors were. There weren't even any painting or drapes on the chipped walls.

_Alright, why is no one here? Guards, scouts, soldiers or maybe even a couple priests! That's all I'm asking!_

_This is weird, I take it back, maybe this isn't an easy job._

As she roamed around looking for a meeting room of some sort, a faint voice reached her ears. She perked up and swiftly followed the noise as it grew louder and louder. Her feet carried her away, uncaring if anyone saw her until she reached a lavish set of double doors. The voice was now deep, powerful and boomed through the air. A sick feeling twisted in her gut, it was all too clear that something immorally wrong was happening. Curiosity got the best of her and she pushed the doors open, hoping with all her might that she was wrong.

"What's going on here?" she asked in a timid yet demanding tone. 

Just like that, her life was flipped upside down. Again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter because what are details????  
> (btw Author, shouldn't you improve your previous fics before committing to a new one?)


	2. Nevermind, Everything is Not Going to be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mark has appeared on Jazlynn's hand, and with that mark comes an interesting ability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't have a visual reference for Jazlynn. I'm sorry! I promise I'm working on it, I've got general descriptions down and stuff but I'm no artist. (nor am I an author but here I am)

Before Jazlynn was fully conscious, her pounding headache throbbed painfully, blurring any form of coherent thought. Her left hand felt as if it was being torn apart, yet burning up into flames at the same time. The excruciating pain of it all blocked out any other senses, such as smells or sounds. While she writhed in agony, a shiny bald head examined her left hand where a flaming green mark had appeared. That mark was definitely growing, and it was killing her, at the same pace of the growth of the new break in the sky from which demons would spontaneously spawn. 

Everyone knew who she was, the Fortune Teller, they dubbed her. Despite the corrections of some, the people remained stubborn and called her by a name with high expectation and even higher doubt. 

"The girl sees the future, right? Why wasn't she warnin' us about this shit, eh?" questioned an injured soldier while a healer tended to her wounds.  

A nearby scout pushed a cough and loud sniff, "I say she's involved. Must've gotten a wrong end of the bargain," he deducted.

The soldier and the scout sat in their misery, staring at the others around them but their focus landed on Lady Cassandra who just left the tent where the subject of their gossip lied. She calmly gave strict orders to the group of soldiers nearby, their numbers were running thin and it was clear they were not going to last long, much less survive.  

"Do you think the Lady's been tricked?"

"Got to be, I know I wouldn't trust someone who let all this happen."

Words like those got around very quickly, the people did not trust Jazlynn despite the truth being repeated at them, not even the storyteller with a copious amount of chest hair could change the rumors in her favor. Thought to be fair, in times of grief, there is little reasoning with people. Divine Justinia was dead as well as several powerful leaders, the chance for peace was gone and rage replaced mourning. 

* * *

The first thing Jazlynn saw was the crackling green light emitting from her left hand, the burning was numbed down but the occasional jolt made gasp in pain. She turned around on the bed, trying to figure out her surroundings. The guards signaled to the Seeker that the subject had finally gotten out of her half-conscious state and she stormed into the tent. 

"You're finally awake," she greeted.

"Yes, I think so..."

"Then please, tell me what happened at the Conclave."

"The Conclave..." she pondered when her mind drew a blank, "I'm sorry, I-I can't."

Cassandra turned to her in furious shock, "What do you mean, you can't? You were there, and you have already seen the future! Surely you can tell us something!"

"She does not know everything," corrected a smooth Orlesian accent.

Leliana entered the tent, snowflakes peppered along her hood and a piercing gaze eyed Jazlynn who lied on the ground, surrounded by blankets. 

"I've... seen you before, haven't I?" Jazlynn questioned, rising to an upright position. 

"Indeed, you have. But now is not the time to for pleasant small talk," the red-haired bard answered.

Cassandra eyed Jazlynn suspiciously, "Do you truly not remember anything from the Conclave?"

A heavy silence fell in the tent as the wind howelled outside, Jazlynn searched her mind for the last thing she could recall but everything was blurry. Her mind only showed small details from somewhere she could put a name to, but could briefly describe it as dark and green. Deciding those little memory clips were better than nothing, she started talking.

"Running, running from these... creepy crawlies, and up a hill. A glowing hand helped me up, and a voice. A woman's voice!"

"That voice, could it have been the Divine's?" Leliana asked.

"That's entirely possible, she said something along the lines of 'Warn them!'," Jazlynn added.

Cassandra and Leliana gave each other a look of understanding, "What about the Champion? Was he there with you?"

"Garrett... I- no, he was not with me," Jazlynn sighed, remembering about their prior separation.

The two women took notice that it was a complicated situation, they could handle that later. For now, there were more pressing matters.

"I've told you everything I know, so please tell me what is going on," Jazlynn pleaded. 

Cassandra gave her a look of pity, "I think it's better to show you."

Alongside Cassandra and Leliana, Jazlynn exited the tent. The previous hum of chattering among the scouts and soldiers suddenly died down. Sneering looks of disapproval, where harshly thrown her way, Jazlynn felt guilty though she didn't do anything. As Leliana took her leave, Cassandra pointed her attention to the Breach, a massive sickly-green wound in the sky. The explanation of what the Breach flew over Jazlynn's head, all she think of were the glares from the vengeful people. They were judging her, they alone decided that she was guilty of their misfortune. Her attention was snapped back to the Seeker when she told Jazlynn that the mark on her hand was killing her. As if on cue, the mark stirred with the Breach, causing her to collapse in pain. 

"I'll help if I can. Though I can't promise I'll solve everything."

The warrior nodded and pulled Jazlynn back on her feet. The exit from the camp was close to the tent, but it felt like hours with the unforgiving scowls. Large doors opened to allow the two to pass over the snow-dusted bridge to the valley where a small rift was located. Shaking from the cold and shock of the development in her life, she stumbled along the path behind the unwavering warrior. The guards who opened the last set of gates obeyed Cassandra's orders with disdain that Jazlynn was receiving special treatment. 

"Maker! It's the end of the world!" cried a soldier who ran past her. 

Her heart sank, was the world truly ending? Could she actually do anything to help? And worst of all, was it her fault? Cassandra had gone ahead, temporarily leaving those thoughts behind, she sped up to catch up. The path had broken wagons and random crates scattered on the sides, most of on fire. Flaming green rocks descended from the sky, and which smash against the ground, Jazlynn jumped. As they got closer, the mark pulsed causing her nerves to scream in pain. Cassandra rebegan to feed her information of what they knew about the rifts, the mark and what they saw happen after the explosion at the Conclave until she was interrupted by the bridge beneath their feet falling apart when it was hit. Just as they got up, shades appeared on the ice where they landed. After stealing two random daggers, Jazlynn joined Cassandra to help her fight the demons.

Cassandra huffed as she pulled her sword out of the last shade and stared at Jazlynn's daggers. 

"Being able to defend myself against demons would be wise," she pointed out.

"You are correct, follow me."

Small groups of shades and wraiths obstructed the path, although none of them were a challenge, it only made Jazlynn worry how many there were at the rift or the Breach. The two climbed up the slippery steps on the hill as Cassandra shouted that they were almost there and the fighting was audible to their ears.

"Who's out there fighting **demons**?"

"You'll see soon enough."

From the distance, she could make out two figures, one significantly shorter than other. Focusing her attention on the shade off to the side, she charged over with Cassandra ahead of her.

"About time you showed up, Wonder!" called a familiar dwarf.

She turned her head in surprise, "Varric!" 

"Focus on the shade in front of you!" Cassandra scolded with a slash across said demon's back.

"Right, sorry about that."

The rest of shades had been slain, and the elf with a bald head instructed her to close the rift. He guided her through the process, and the rift sealed up.

"Oh, that's a nice trick. How did that happen?"

"That was you," responded the elf.

"Looks I'm useful after all," she muttered.

The elven mage introduced himself to Jazlynn, and Varric cracked jokes to which Cassandra grunted a noise of disgust. Putting that all behind, the four of them advanced to the camp where most of the soldiers were fighting off demons. Where they would have to close the second rift found right at the entrance, then trek up the mountain to the temple of Sacred Ashes to close yet another, larger fade rift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, It's how I know that people actually like reading my writing.


	3. Everything Has Sort Of Calmed Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leadership and responsibility take Jazlynn by surprise, she's not qualified for this!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to try and briefly summarize the parts of the game that stay more or less the same, trying to make this somewhat interesting.

Leadership was not Jazlynn's strong point so when Cassandra turned to her to ask what she thought they should do, she froze and mumbled something about the mountain path. Leliana smirked in victory and pointed the way, but no one else moved. Because they were waiting for her to lead the way like leaders do. She stumbled forward on legs shivering from the cold, the rest of the party followed, Cassandra closely behind. Though, over time, they switched spots since Jazlynn wasn't exactly sure where she was going. 

The Temple of Sacred Ashes was completely in ruins, where the proud halls once stood, red lyrium shone and sung lowly as they walked by. The bright green rift in the center distracted them from the red, mostly because of the demons. With the help of their forces, they took on everything the rift threw at them. Health potions and strategies used by all and Jazlynn snuck in a disruption of the rift whenever she could. When the pride demons finally fell, the fade rift allowed her to close it for good. 

* * *

 

Jazlynn awoke in a simple cabin, on a bed, a real one! It had been ages since she felt the comfort of a mattress, even though this one was thinner than the one she slept on in Kirkwall. A young elven servant entered the cabin and when they saw that she was already awake they dropped what they were holding and bowed to the ground in apology. Jazlynn chuckled nervously and confusedly at the scene, why were they so scared of her? What had people been telling each other? After the servant scampered off and suggested she go see Cassandra, Jazlynn swung her legs over the bed and looked around. Her eyes caught a brand new set of armor and it looked much better than what she was wearing. Her current gear was definitely not appropriate for the snow, her freezing fingers and toes told her that much. 

_Oh my, it has so many pockets!_

A note was found on top of the piled of leather, signed by Varric. The dwarf must have taken notice of how she was freezing the entire time they were on the mountain path and convinced the blacksmith to craft her something. She twirled in the room, feeling the soft material lining the thick leather. Her boots almost made her squeal with glee, they were soundless when she walked carefully but blocked out the cold. She ventured out the cabin and took a look around. Haven, that's where she was. The servant mentioned that the Seeker would be in the Chantry, the building was not hard to find, it was the biggest one in all of Haven. As she walked up the stairs, she felt her previous delight fade away.

"-for all we know she could have intended it that way!" cried the Chancellor.

"I do not believe that she is guilty," Cassandra defended.

The two argued while Jazlynn stood outside the door of the meeting room, allowing everything the Chancellor said to sink in. It had gone quiet before she finally worked up the courage to enter the room and when she did, she was greeted by the Chancellor ordering the guards to chain her up as a prisoner to which Cassandra dismissed that order. 

"I'm still a suspect? Even though I helped you seal that massive rift?" she asked.

"You absolutely are," he seethed, "It wasn't enough that you helped your apostate friend send Kirkwall into chaos, you had to also go ahead and kill the divine."

That one hit her hard, she hadn't thought about the events in Kirkwall for a while. 

"I may not agree with her actions in Kirkwall, but she is not a suspect," Cassandra once again came to her defense.

Leliana proceeded to not-so-subtly accuse the Chancellor of being involved, to which he refuted in an offense for that insult. 

"The Maker may have sent her to us in our darkest hour, it is no coincidence," the Seeker spoke.

"Maybe He did, or maybe He didn't. Point is, I'm here now, I don't know how and there's nothing I can do about," Jazlynn said softly.

The two women nodded at her explanation while the Chancellor scoffed and started babbling about how they've gone mad to trust this girl from another world. Calmly at first, Cassandra picked up a large tome and dropped it on the table. She began explaining in great detail what that was, a rite from the Divine herself. It gave them the permission to act on their own, and they would. In that moment, the Seeker declared the Inquisition reborn and Jazlynn simply watched in awe of her fortitude.

"I wasn't expecting this when I woke up, it's not even noon yet," Jazlynn commented.

"Neither did we," replied Leliana.

"Well, I'll help you guys, I live here too and it's now my home," she agreed. 

She and Cassandra shook hands and began discussing ideas for restoring order in this world. Every once in a while, the advisors would ask her for opinions and most of the time it took her by surprise. But she calmed herself by remembering that they weren't exactly a big organization, yet.

* * *

 

Over the course of a few days, she had been so busy she could barely breathe. When everything finally calmed down, she paid a visit to Varric who just finished telling a story. 

"I was just about to go and find you, Wonder. Have you been holding up alright?"

"All things considered, yeah," she snickered, "Hawke gave me one job, spy on the Conclave and don't get involved. Looks like I've failed on both things..."

"I'm sure he'll find it in his heart to forgive you."

"Probably, sometimes I think he's a little too forgiving when it comes to friends."

"That's Hawke for you, by the way, have you heard anything from him?" Varric asked.

_That's right, it's been a while since I've seen him. I wonder if he's finished talking to that guy in Crestwood. Ugh, he's probably in Redcliff right now asking himself where the heck I am?_

"No, have you?" she answered.

On the spot, he guiltily spun a lie in fear of Cassandra's wrath, "I'm working on it Wonder, I'm sure he'll want to know about all this shit."

"Alright, see you later, Varric." 

As she left, he cursed under his breath, lying he could do. He lied all the time, like when Cassandra questioned him. But lying to Jazlynn about Hawke when he knew that she would eventually find out, that he had more trouble doing. It would have been so much easier to tell her that he couldn't contact Hawke right away, but prying ears were everywhere and that kind of news would have definitely reached the Seeker. Unaware of Varric's lie, Jazlynn proceeded with tasks she gave herself. On her way to Adan's cabin to give him the notes she'd found, she decided to stop by and talk to Solas for a bit. 

"The Chosen of Andraste. A blessed hero sent to save us all," he greeted drily.

She shrugged, "I guess? That's everyone's been calling me lately, that and 'Fortune Teller'."

"I've traveled deep into the Fade and seen many great: battlefields and ancient civilizations. But you are peculiar, you've stepped out of your world and into this one. It sounds like something a god would do." he speculated.

"Woah there, I'm no god. And I can't ever match the power of one."

He smirked amusedly, "We shall see. I will stay here, at least until the Breach is closed." 

"Nice, welcome aboard, if you hadn't already been told that."

* * *

 

With the threat of the Breach still in the sky, a meeting in the Chantry was in order. Jazlynn attended, by Cassandra's order. She formally met Ambassador Josephine and Commander Cullen. She already met Leliana, and it wasn't hard to guess that she was the spymaster. Cullen, however, she had seen him a few times in Kirkwall but never spoke a word. She knew things about him because of his popularity on Earth, but she was not particularly attached to the man. 

Their meeting began with a small argument about which side they should take an alliance with, the Templars or the mages. Jazlynn stayed out of that argument, she was not the leader and no one asked her opinion. 

With all the talk about the Chantry, it became clear to Jazlynn that most people who have heard of her called her the Herald of Andraste. With such a title, it made her sound like the leader, which she denied at every turn. She was no leader, Cassandra was the leader, right? Unfortunately, people were stubborn. So when she traveled to the Hinterlands to find and speak to Mother Giselle, she was addressed as a leader by the Inquisition scout Harding. At this point, she far too tired to correct anyone, so she accepted her title as the Herald of Andraste. Responsibility piled on her plate as Harding gave her report about the fighting between the mages and the Templars, and Jazlynn felt her resolve waver. She was only here to speak to Mother Giselle and find a horsemaster named Dennet. Now, it looked like she would have to get involved in an entire war just to do one of those things!

"Well this is great," she muttered lowly as she led the party down the hill. 

Her map was not fully detailed, several important landmarks had not been marked down. But it did have the general direction she needed to go in order to find certain things. However, the map did not show mountains and unclimbable hills. With her nose in the map, she easily got a bit turned around within the first half-hour in the woods. 

"Hey, Wonder, there's a road sign right there pointing to the Crossroads!"

She glanced up from her map and retorted, "I knew that. I was just... exploring! Look here's another elfroot."

"That's the seventeenth one you've picked this afternoon," Solas pointed out.

"Resources are important," she defended herself.

Cassandra halted the banter, "There's fighting up ahead."

Seriousness returned to the party and they prepared for an attack as they entered the crossroads with determination. 

* * *

 

After one very long day of fighting Templars and mages, Jazlynn managed to speak to Mother Giselle and horsemaster Dennet. While she accomplished her two goals for that day, he also acquired fifteen more quests. At this rate, she would never be able to leave the Hinterlands.

"Well isn't this just a walk in the park..." she mumbled to herself as she sat by one of the camp's tent, "I'm not even qualified for this." 

As Jazlynn angrily muttered out her frustrations to herself, Cassandra approached her. 

"Do you have a moment?" the warrior asked.

"Define a moment, I've somehow picked all these quests in a mere few hours."

"I only wish to ask you a question, may I?"

Jazlynn sighed, "Go for it."

"Would you be able to contact the Champion? Given your current position," she asked as she took a seat next to Jazlynn.

"I mean, I know he was heading to Crestwood, wherever that is. After we finished our jobs, we were supposed to meet in Redcliff, somehow I don't think that will happen."

"We will go to Redcliff, I shall mark it on our map. The Champion may be able to help us convince either side to give us an alliance."

"It's worth a shot, but there's no certainty that Hawke will be there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of adding my original Qunari character, seeing as Jazlynn technically isn't supposed to be there, it kind of makes sense? Also, I just made my Qunari Inquisitor and I'm in love!!


	4. Everything is Sort Of Calm But I'm Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sudden pile of stress put on the newly named Herald takes its toll.

This marked the sixth day in the Hinterlands. What was a casual trip to the forest turned into a shitstorm of bears, mages, templars and running around in circles trying to find certain places to complete certain quests. Only after they completed one, they received one or two more. Every night, Jazlynn collapsed in exhaustion to sleep. Far too tired to eat or bathe on most days. Climbing mountains and walking for hours, she could do that. But running uphill, and constantly fighting whatever this forest had to throw at them? That was definitely more challenging. 

The sun rose over the hills and shone through the flaps of Jazlynn's tent, waking her up. She groaned in displeasure, rolling over to avoid the light. Her journal accompanied by a quill and inkwell remained in the corner, messily thrown there. A few pages had already been stained with ink, her writing was all blotchy and barely readable. As long as she could make out what the general points were, it was good enough, she had decided. Time soon caught up with her that morning, and the entire camp was awake, their muffled conversations irritatingly keeping her awake. Begrudgingly, she sat up and snatched the journal to decide which quest she would attempt to complete that day. 

_When did I pick up all of these? Like, who the hell is Berand? Where will I find all these materials for the requisitions? I need more sleep, or you know, just a break._

Already completely drained of energy, she plopped back down on her bedroll. She lifted her left hand up to stare at the mark, which was somewhat inactive for the moment. 

_I miss Kirkwall, that was such nice, quiet time. Okay, aside from those huge fights that happened. But, I could take a nap if I wanted to. Yes, I had a job with deadlines, but that nothing compared to this! I could skip a day of work and easily catch up, but right now, not so much. If I decide to avoid everything for a day, people die._

_Wow, thinking of Kirkwall is starting to make me feel homesick. Which makes sense I guess, I had loads of friends who weren't going to stab me in the back or anything like that._

All her reminiscing about Kirkwall made her grin a bittersweet smile. She missed their weekly games of Wicked Grace, Isabela's antics, the rare chuckle Fenris would give, Merrill's sweet disposition, and how Jazlynn could on about the things she missed. All those friendships, simply vanished. The six years of strengthening bonds meant nothing to the passage of time. 

_I wish I could write a letter to them all right now, not just Merrill. Speaking of letters, I've got to write to her about all the crazy shit that just happened!_

"Herald, we are ready to depart now," Cassandra called to her.

_Later._

"Oh yeah, um, you guys can just relax for a bit while I get ready!" she answered after a yawn.

Jazlynn slipped her armor on as Cassandra expressed her worry, "Is everything alright? You haven't been at your best lately."

"Who, me? I don't know what you're talking about. I just slept in a little bit this morning, that's all." she reassured while doing a few buttons. 

"You've been doing a lot of sleeping in, Herald,"  she pointed out, unconvinced, "You don't have to do everything yourself."

Her hands pulled her boots up, "I'm not trying to do everything myself, who gave you that idea?"

"I've heard the stories about you, Varric told me about you."

"She's right, Wonder," chimed in the mentioned dwarf, "you've got a habit of doing that. As much as I respect your independence, you can rely on people once in a while."

After picking up her journal, she headed out, "What's your suggestion then?" she asked them.

Solas stepped forward this time, "The Inquisition has numbers, though they may be small, they are here to help you. Assign small tasks at first, then once you've established trust, give them larger tasks."

"What? Just like that?" she scoffed.

"Yes, just like that. I will show you at the war table when we return to Haven," suggested Cassandra.

* * *

 

Redcliffe, a rather shabby fishing village but with hidden charms. A statue in honor of the Hero of Ferelden stood proudly in the middle of the marketplace, a carved tablet was before it, briefly telling the story of the brave Warden. A lively tavern atop of the mountain was warm and inviting. But with all the scruffy splendor of this village, there was no sign of Garrett Hawke. Jazlynn had been so giddy on their way down the path, her face brimming with joy and skipping on her steps. 

Heart-wrenching disappointment. Like a slap in the face when to truth sank in, her denial washing away to leave her as this miserably discouraged shell of a person. Though she shed no tears, she felt the pain. Hawke was not there, who knew when he would show up? They had already spent hours in Redcliffe, waiting and waiting for someone who didn't show up.

She sat down on a bench facing the water. With her gaze staring dead at the ground, back hunched forward and her arms against her thighs, she contemplated what to do next. The rational part of her brain suggested that perhaps he wasn't quite finished in Crestwood or that he just got lost. Surely he was fine, the Champion of Kirkwall wouldn't simply fall prey to some mere bandits. Except nowadays, bandits weren't the only things blocking the paths.

_He'll be fine, he has to be. He's a big strong warrior who's fought everything Kirkwall has thrown at him, there's no way couple Templars or blood mages could take him down. Right? Alright, maybe I should start accepting the fact that he might be dead..._

_No, no, **no, NO**! Stop that! I'm not going there, not right now, not until I know for sure. I can't start bawling my eyes out now, not in front of all these people. I have a reputation to maintain._

"He said he'd be here, didn't he?" Varric asked.

"Yeah."

The dwarf sighed and offered a comforting hand on her shoulder, "you'll see him again, I promise."

"Right, okay," she said, voice wavering, "We're going back to Haven, I'm tired of all these trees."

_Please, Garrett, come back to me. Please, don't be dead._

_I love you, so much. You have no idea._

* * *

 

 As she promised, Cassandra taught her how to assign the tasks in the operations at the war table. Jazlynn had just finished handling those for the moment until Leliana informed her that the Herald's presence was requested at Val Royeaux. Something about these Chantry people accusing the Inquisition of being a load of bullshit, and now she had to go and politely dismiss those accusations, somehow.

"Right okay, I'll go see their deal is," she accepted begrudgingly while preparing to leave. 

_Guess I'm not having a break for a while... Of course, I get more things to do when I'm trying to get away from my current responsibilities._

"Herald, I'm afraid I must ask you again, what should my soldiers prepare for?" asked the Commander, worry creasing his brow. 

"Heck if I know, an attack or something?" 

Cullen threw her an exasperated look, "Do you truly not know what's to come?"

"Um... it gets weird, I don't know how, but apparently it will."

"Very well," he dismissed her.

Jazlynn walked out the stuffy Chantry, only to be greeted by an unfamiliar warrior. The encountered took her by surprise, but she managed to catch the general idea of what he wanted. The Storm Coast was experiencing unwelcomed visits by the Venatori, whoever they were, and these people called the Chargers were going to show off their skills by taking care of them. Sure, no problem. But the more people who asked stuff from her, the more she became stressed and reluctant to actually do those things. 

_I'm not qualified for this job. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a Math major with no leadership as this Herald of Andraste? I don't even know what that means! Someone else should be here, not me. This whole prevent the end of the world situation is not my thing, math is my thing. Physics are my thing. Variables, as in X and Y, are my thing. Variables like we may or may not die while doing this thing, that's not my thing!_

_Rocket Science is my thing... or would be since I don't actually have all the qualifications for that job. But I certainly have more than for leading the Inquisition!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, same Jazlynn. I'm not qualified for things but I do them anyway (like this fic).


	5. I Am Definitely Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, friends are the key to helping yourself. Even if you don't know those friends very well, acquainting yourself with those friends can be therapeutic. Of course, that's only sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up everyone! This chapter has a rather graphic description of an anxiety attack, if that is something that triggers you, please skip to the line. Remember, your mental health is just as important as your physical health, if you need help then get it. Your mind is very important to perform basic tasks!

_I don't want to do this anymore. Well, to be fair, I never wanted this job anyway. I'm not qualified, I am terrified at the mere idea of being in charge. I hope the advisors decide to just do all the decision-making themselves, as much as I'm uncomfortable with being a puppet, I'm more uncomfortable being a full-fledged leader._

Her journal on her cabin's desk caught her attention, as a reminder that she had to go Val Royeaux that day. She groused in inner turmoil as she rolled over to the side of the bed facing away from the journal. It had been several days that she was falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair, causing her to avoid her obligations as the Herald. But as she fell deeper, guilt clawed at her mind, shouting about how if she didn’t get those things done, people were going to die and their blood would be on her selfish, lazy hands. However, she couldn’t muster up the strength to even get up in the morning, she ate ‘breakfast’ at noon or later than that. And when the people at Haven stared at her with mixed expressions, she cowered away in fear of their judgment.

While lying down in the small cabin, the toxic mix of negative emotions flooded her mind. Her breathing started coming quicker and louder, her vision blurred from tears suddenly pouring from ears, wetting the pillow. Her focus was completely gone out of the window, her mind prevented her from forming a complete thought much less basic words to make a sentence. Through blurred vision, she saw and felt the room spinning, the dizziness from it made her nauseous. With knees pulled to her chest in the fetal position, she rocked herself on the bed, allowing everything to simply happen and the hours went by. 

”This can’t go on any longer,” Leliana declared, Cullen nodding with her, unaware that the subject of their talk was currently recovering from a serious breakdown.

A small meeting was held outside by the soldiers who practicing their skills. Jazlynn was not invited, for good reasons. If anyone asked what they were discussing, they could say it was about training methods, materials and the costs of such things.

“Who will go and tell her?” Josephine asked, scribbling away on her clipboard.

“I’ll go,” volunteered Cassandra.

“Your methods won’t help her there, Seeker. I’ve known the girl for a few years, I’ll bet I can get her back on her feet,” Varric intervened.

Cassandra whipped around to glare at the dwarf who’d just snooping on their supposed ‘secret meeting’.

“I believe that is best,” agreed the spymaster.

With that, Varric left for Jazlynn’s secluded cabin. He knocked softly on her door and Jazlynn’s blood froze and her heart skipped a beat. Why did someone want to talk to her? It was definitely about her recent behavior and how it had to change immediately. There was no time for her whining in self-pity! Not to mention, she was still light-headed from her anxiety attack she just went through.

“Yes?” she finally squeaked.

Varric’s voice came muffled through the thick wooden door, “It’s me, Wonder, do you mind if I come in?”

_Yes, I absolutely do mind if anyone comes in while I’m lying around doing nothing with my cheeks stained with tears. There are soldiers out there training! There are people out there doing actual work while I do nothing!_

“No, of course, not,” she lied as she hastily got up from her bed and wiped her face down to at least look a bit presentable.

The door let out a creak as Varric opened it to step into the cabin. A gentle layer of dust covered the unused chair and the small bookshelf. Her full set of armor and daggers lied carelessly into the side of the room, next to a coat hanger. Jazlynn sat upright, on her unmade bed and wearing the grey pajamas they gave her.

“Maker’s breath Wonder, you live in this mess?”

“Um yeah, so… what’s up?”

The dwarf sighed apologetically, “Look, we need to talk.”

Internal screeching resonated in Jazlynn’s mind. What did he want to talk to her about? Why was he so serious? He’s Varric! Varric is never serious unless something really bad happened.

“Go for it Varric, I’m all ears,” she faked confidence.

“You need to tell me honestly, what’s wrong? You can’t hide in this place forever.”

Her mind drew a blank before Jazlynn even fully processed his question. Not a single word, much less a description for an answer came to mind. 

“I don’t know,” she answered, voice breaking, “I don’t know, I just can’t… I can’t do things like I used to. I can’t do my best anymore, it feels like my ability to get stuff done is either non-existent or alarmingly low.”

“Why do you think that is?” he asked calmly, taking a seat beside her.

“Well, I know that leadership isn’t my thing, way too much responsibility. How can I live with myself when I might indirectly cause people’s death? There's just so much to do, but there’s not enough time. So I try to get some rest, so I have more energy but then it doesn’t work so it just gets me more panicky so I rest some more but that takes even more time-“

“Wonder,” he interrupted her when she started rambling and shaking uncontrollably, “it’s alright, and you can calm down.”

“How can I calm down when I can’t bring my best to the people?” she sobbed.

“Your best doesn’t stay the same from day to day, it changes. Some days will be more productive than others, you just have to learn to leave the lack of yesterday’s work in the past.”

“Great, more things to do…” she commented.

“You don’t have to do everything at once, break it down in order of priority. For now, Val Royeaux is number one. What do you say we go and take of that?”

“Okay,” she answered softly, “can we leave at night? I don’t want people staring at me.”

“Sure thing Wonder, I’ll go tell Chuckles and the Seeker when we’ll be going.”

* * *

 

It could have been worse.

An argument involving the Templars and the Chantry was nothing new, but to withdraw all the Templars from Val Royeaux was definitely suspicious. Who did this Lord Seeker Lucius think he was anyway? Honestly, humans and their stupid ego caused so much trouble.

At least, the trip to the Orlesian city wasn’t all bad. After all, they left with two new companions. One who could make Jazlynn laugh to the point wheezing and another who could provide more intellectual conversations and take her breath away as while magnificently wielded her magic.

Wanting to spend time her new friends, she brought them both and Varric to the Wounded Coast. The Chargers they met were certainly quite the bunch of people, their leader, a Qunari, definitely another troublemaker. The good kind, the kind that has your back when you might be breaking the law.

After switching out Varric for the new Qunari, she headed to the Hinterlands. Leliana told Jazlynn about some rumors concerning a grey warden in those woods. Rather suspicious considering all the wardens were mysteriously disappearing. Thankfully, this bearded one was not under a creepy influence and was actually rather nice. He as well joined the band of misfits and upholders of the law.

Finishing with the recruitments, she returned to the quests in the Hinterlands. She gave herself five days in the woods. Once those five days were up, she would return to Haven. In the meantime, she could finish up as much business as she could, one at a time. Careful not to overwork herself like the last time. Unfortunately, bad habits die hard. She found herself stressing over how much she still had left, though she reminded herself, there was no deadline on most of these quests. Put the ones with urgency first, then the others ones last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry character development and banter is on the way!! I just didn't put it in this chapter because it doesn't fit the theme I was trying to go for. (emphasis on trying, I literally never have any idea what I'm doing at any point)


	6. Well This Isn't So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of short moments of friendly banter in the lusciously green Hinterlands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long (well longer) wait guys! Anyway, here's the next chapter! This one is entirely from Jazlynn's perspective, so everything written here is what she believes.

Friends are like jewels, you don't necessarily **need** them to live but they significantly brighten up your day. Sometimes, friends are like crutches, they support you but not so much to the point they're essentially carrying you. Other times, they're both. Sparkly crutches that greet you with a friendly grin and a signature catchphrase, wave or finger guns. Well, if you're in Thedas, you probably won't see many finger guns but the point is still there. Friends, in general, are quirky, they each show how much they care about you in their way, though it may or may not be special it's just as valid. And how they care may not be helpful in all situations.

Take Sera, for example, she doesn't take many things seriously so she's perfect if you need a good laugh. It's definitely not a good idea to engage in philosophical or intellectual discussions with her, but if you want to snort at sex jokes she's the elf to go to. A conversation only gets weighty when it involves something she doesn't talk about very often, which as just mentioned, doesn't happen very often. Through all her crude humor lies loyalty, she will follow her good friends into a dragon's nest while grinning at the stupidity and most importantly, she is always ready to give nobles what they deserve. Sera is an archer with a sharp tongue, but she is also more than just that. 

Jazlynn appreciated her presence in the Inquisition, her comedic demeanor was a good contrast from the gloom. 

"Inky! I found a good place to camp,” the elf called out from atop a hill.

“Alright! We’re sleeping tonight!” Jazlynn cheered, climbing up to meet her, “yep, that'll do.”

Using the resources Cassandra taught her to use, a satisfactory camp was set up in the area. Dusklight Camp, they named this one. The morning after, the party reassembled to explore the cave nearby. Once out in the opening, they heard a cry that Jazlynn immediately recognized as a dragon’s call.

Iron Bull trailing behind them also heard the cry, “We’re fighting her right Boss?” he asked with a bright grin.

“Nope, we are not,” she answered hastily, turning on her heel to get out of there.

“But dragons Boss! Dragons!” he argued.

“We’ll fight her eventually Bull, I promise. As soon as we’re not almost dying against rift demons, she’s all ours then.”

He pouted but agreed nonetheless as he and the rest of party followed their fearful leader back towards the camp. 

The Iron Bull was someone Jazlynn looked up to, both literally and metaphorically. He leaves his past behind, doesn't dwell on it especially if it's useless. Unlike Jazlynn, he won't apologize for things out of his control or his way of life. He was bulked up, capable of wielding his axe like it was nothing and lacked any semblance of fear as he swung at his opponents, much like Hawke. His courage is what Jazlynn envied the most, if she had even a fraction of his bravery, she wouldn't have been freaking out over being in a position of leadership. 

Finally, there was Vivienne, also someone Jazlynn admired. Her calm disposition, words laced with venom against the ones who dared to challenge her. Similar to the Iron Bull, she was brimming with bold gallantry, only hers was expressed through a biting tone disguised as the charm of a proper lady. Her knowledge was vast, interest in learning more and the strive to achieve something higher never ran short. She would not settle, she reached for her goals and worked to get where she was and where she wanted to be. That was definitely something to respect and attempt to do the same. 

"I've some questions for you, my dear," Vivienne announced politely while the two were on watch and the rest of the party resting. 

Jazlynn's eyebrows rose as she turned her gaze from the scenery to the mage, "Go for it, what's on your mind?"

"You see, I've heard the stories about you, what happened in Kirkwall. Was the apostate who committed that heinous crime against the Chantry truly someone you knew?"

_Great, here we go._

"Yeah, he was my friend and I couldn't stop him," she answered regretfully.

"Your 'friend' started a war, countless innocent people have died senselessly. If you knew that was going to happen, why didn't you stop that madness?"

"I was working on something sort of related at the time and I thought that if I solved that, Anders wouldn't have gone that far. Unfortunately, while I was kidnapped and trying to get back to Kirkwall, it was all happening much sooner than it was supposed to."

"That doesn't quite answer my question, you could have killed him before he destroyed the Chantry. Why didn't you?" the mage questioned further, getting impatient.

"Because I can't confront people!" Jazlynn finally cried, “I’m sorry, I know there were many things I could have done but didn't because I was scared."

Vivienne’s cold interrogating gaze softened, feeling pity for the not quite adequate leader, "You are going to have to learn darling, otherwise, the Game will most certainly take advantage of you”

“I know,” Jazlynn mumbled in response.

“I will teach you, I would not like to see the Inquisition fall.”

Morning came and the party prepared to spend the day questing in the Hinterlands, Jazlynn was glad she gave herself a brief schedule, the dreading feel of wanting to do nothing came floating back every once in a while. Her want to impress her new friends made her hide that part of herself and put on the finely crafted mask of motivation. 

"I heard you from another world or something, is that true?" Sera asked nonchalantly, twidling an arrow.

"Yes, I am from another world. No, I can't predict the future."

"Oh, but you're not a mage?"

"I do not possess any magical talent, that I know of. In fact, my world doesn't have magic in the first place."

"Then, how'd you get here?"

Jazlynn shrugged with a confused grin, "No idea."

"That's just friggin' weird, no one can just be in one place and suddenly be in a completely different place," the elf scoffed.

In response, she snorted, "Believe me, I know. It's been eight years and I still don't know how I got here or even why me?"

"I knew I kind of like you! You're just as lost as any of us and you know you're weird but don't try to convince anyone you're not."

"I am definitely lost, and not just metaphorically... seriously guys who made this map?"

Frustrated but amused groans were her answer. 

* * *

 

As they rode back into Haven, they strolled past the soldiers tirelessly training under Cullen's commanding rule. There were certainly improvements since the Temple of Sacred Ashes, but nothing to brag about yet. The soldiers ceased their practice to properly salute their Herald of Andraste, the feel of being held as a person with such high respect was still so foreign to her. Commander Cullen watched her on the horse, her hands tightly gripping the reins and visibly stiff posture. It wasn't her first time riding a horse, but she'd never learned to do it properly. He made a mental note that he should teach her later, smirking in tired bemusement, overworking himself day and night took its toll. 

His thoughts drifted from the things he had to do, to Jazlynn as a person. He had never met the woman properly when they were in Kirkwall, after all, the only times she went to the Gallows was to speak with Meredith or Orsino. He was somewhat glad, his character in Kirkwall was not something to be proud of. But he could tell that Jazlynn had the interest of doing the right thing even if it wasn't the popular thing, Unfortunately, her current anxiousness prevented her from acting in that interest. She was a peculiar leader, no one understood the hows and the whys of her being in Thedas so it was best to simply accept it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bam, some of my shitty art to go with my shitty writing! I said I was working on something visual for Jazlynn, so I'm delivering. This is probably the best I can do for a while :P


	7. I Take it Back, This is Very Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *insert a velociraptor screeching here*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, author, it's been almost a week since you last updated, what is up with that? 
> 
> Idk fam, maybe it has to do with the fact I'm trying to write 2 other things at the same time but don't have the necessary talent or motivation to do so I stew in my lack of creativity.   
> (not to mention nobody fuckin reads this anyway)

_Well this is just my luck, isn't it?_

_This elf mage, Fiona, comes up to me and is all like 'hey, we mages wanna help the Inquisition. Come meet us!'. At first, I'm stoked about it. Allies? Hell yeah, we need those. Go to the war table for reasons, and Cullen starts raving about the Templars and how great they are. I've seen how 'great' those temperamental muscle heads are with their swords! Not to mention they're apparently chugging lyrium like shots or something. I'm not judging their lifestyle, but maybe I'd like them more if they weren't boasting about how dangerous mages are and they're only people who could ever protect people. I mean come on, I was in the Hinterlands fighting those mages and Templars in order to, what was it again? Oh right, protect the people! It's almost like I'm doing their job or something._

_Back to the point, so now I'm in Redcliff I guess. No sign of Hawke, still. Varric said he was close to getting in contact with him though, so my hopes are up. But oh man, wouldn't it be great if he was here! I bet he wouldn't have gotten ass-deep in demon worshipping drama._

_Whatever I guess, I’m here doing my best! Talking to mages was a complete flop, I met loads of people, most of which I feel like I should know. The Chantry is supposed to be a place of salvation as Sebastian would describe, except I found it was filled with demons? I have no idea what I’m doing, people just tell me that there’s weird shit going on somewhere so I go there and investigate. These guys don’t seem to understand that I’m so lost. One terrible side effect of a famed ‘Fortune Teller who knows all’, is that nobody ever explains anything to me! I’m essentially walking around completely blind like a damn game of Marco Polo but when you get caught you die._

_I’m getting off track, again. Point is, I try to go to a simple meeting for an alliance. Shit hits the fan for some reason I’m not sure I understand, but there are rifts, demons, and people fighting. This guy Alexius who likes to mess around with time, opens a weird rift and now I’m in a creepy prison cell that’s also at a different time?_

_What is going on?_

Jazlynn trekked begrudgingly through the thick sludgy substance in the rundown castle dungeons. A new friend, Dorian, right beside her as he rambled on about speculations and the state of the castle. She was grateful for his presence, he at least had a plan that wasn't screaming and crying until someone else does something. With tensed shoulders, nervous breathing and constantly on the verge of tears, Jazlynn explored to damp and old hallways of this horrid dungeon.

Varric, the first companion they finally made contact with, filled them in on the situation. They were one year ahead of time, the empress was slain and demons armies more or less conquered everything.

Oh, and everyone thinks she and Dorian were dead. That was a lot of fun convincing the rest of the party that the dead hadn’t started to rise.

But the thing that caught her attention the most was when Varric mentioned the Elder One. Bells started ringing, pieces started to be put together.

“Corypheus! It’s Corypheus!” she shouted in understanding, “You know, the weird darkspawn with the god complex. Hawke fought the guy years ago!”

“Yeah I remember all right…” the dwarf grumbled at the memory.

“I take it you’ve encountered the Elder One before, yes?” Dorian questioned intriguingly.

“Define ‘encountered’ for me, it was a whole lot of weird wrapped up in blood mages and darkspawn.”

“Ah, not a pleasant encounter then.”

The Iron Bull was brought back on the team and the party moved on, to hopefully go back to their time and stop everything that’s happened, from happening again. However, they found Fiona before that, and in such a pitiful state. Then they found Leliana, also in a pitiful state.

_Nobody around here can catch a break. Everything and everyone want you dead, so lesson learned: don’t let power raging lunatics run free._

The throne room was completely empty when the party moved in. Except for heavy coatings of dust and bones. A shrilling cry pierced the air, demons had sensed their presence and they weren’t happy. Before she could wrap her head around it, Jazlynn watched as Leliana, Blackwall, and Varric sacrificed themselves.

Varric, oh Varric. He gave one last solemn look at Jazlynn as he willingly walked to his death.

_He can’t die, he’s Varric! Who will tell the story?_

“You’ll see him again, you know that right?” Dorian comforted.

She swallowed her pain and kept quiet, waiting for him to complete the spell so they could fix things. But when the doors burst open and Varric’s dead body was tossed to the side like he was nothing, she couldn’t contain it any longer.

Years and years of friendship only to watch her friend die. It was heart-wrenching, she had never felt a greater sorrow than this. Not even when she was sat on the Wounded Coast looking at her mother one last time. Chaos reigned the room, she heard Leliana’s arrows and the magic beside her.

“Varric!” she choked out as she made a half leap towards him before stopping herself.

_This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isN’T REAL. THIS ISN’T REAL. THISISN’TREALTHISISN’TREAL._

She chanted in her head in order to will herself to stay put, if she moved, they’d be doomed Dorian reminded her.

She tore her eyes off the dark slump in the corner with blood oozing from it, she looked anywhere but where but the dwarven figure. Dorian’s spell crackled with bright lights, under any other circumstances, she’d have found it mesmerizing. From her peripheral vision, she saw Leliana fight a deadly battle, she alone was keeping the demons away from the two. Right before her demise, the spell was finished and time was reversed.

Jazlynn had just watch not one, not two, but three of her friends die in excruciating ways for her sake. So she could go back and solve all the world’s problems like a great leader and hero would.

Absolutely nothing stressful about that. Nope, not one ounce of pressure on her shoulders.

* * *

 

Light-headed and nauseous was how she felt. While she solidified an alliance with the mages, her heart was beating frantically and she couldn’t help stuttering. Her gaze refused to make eye contact with anyone, especially not Varric. She was not ready to even look at the dwarf after watching him die.

On the way to Haven, she was dead silent. Her companions picked up on her trauma from her experience, not wanting to further damage the situation, they sneakily asked Dorian. When they were told of their adventure to the future, they all understood.

“Hey, you hanging in there alright?” Varric approached her one night over the campfire.

Her response was noticeably delayed, “I saw you die. I saw you, Bull and Leliana all die right before me and I was too helpless to do anything.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. I’m here if you need to talk.”

“Varric. I saw you die. Like you meant nothing. One second you’re making smart comments and the next you’re dead.”

“Well, apparently I also saw you die. Does that make us even?”

“Too soon, Varric, too soon.”

“Fair enough. Still, I’m here now and you can use whatever knowledge you have from the future to prevent whatever happened from happening again.”

“Great, it’s back to ‘Fortune Teller’, isn’t it?”


	8. It's Still Bad, But We've Got Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm giving up on summarizing, just read the damn chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these notes are basically going to become my diary and I don't care. 
> 
> I've got this idea for a story, and when I'm supposed to be working on this thing my mind goes off to the new thing. Keep in mind that it has nothing to do with Dragon Age and honestly?? My brain is being so rude but I think I might write the new thing, however, the last time I started writing it accidentally turned into a novel.   
> Advice????

After returning to Haven, Jazlynn once again hid in her cabin to spend some time for herself. Was it good for her to lock up her emotions and keep everyone at a distance? No, but so far it was the only coping mechanism that worked for her. Her companions were concerned for her, of course, but their every attempt at comfort was shot down.

One long night later, when her trauma was buried deep down inside, she announced her departure for her next escapade. To the Fallow Mire, they were headed to, a few Inquisition soldiers were dire need of help. With low expectations, she, Vivienne, Cassandra and Sera saddled up their horses and rode out of Haven.

The weather warmed up as they moved down the mountains, and clouds grew heavier and darker as they approached their destination. A twisting, sinking feeling of dread formed in Jazlynn over the days they spent on the road and her heart felt as if it had grown and was too big for her ribcage. Clouds starting giving rain that never stopped, with the atmosphere of a swamp in the air, the party finally arrived at an Inquisition camp. After receiving a description of the situation in the area, what their missions were as well as tips for getting around, they set off to explore the area.  

_Now, this is one damp shithole._

It was dark everywhere, the houses were made of rotting wood and falling apart. The corpses that emerged from the water never stopped coming and they were all clammy, disgusting bags of bones.

It brought her great happiness to finally leave the wretched place after defeating a very foolish Avvar leader. The Inquisition soldiers looked up to their savior and started thanking her and every god they could think of.

Jazlynn had saved countless people before, it certainly wasn’t new. But this time, seemed to hit her more than it usually did. These people were taken to this vile horrific place, locked up for days in the cold wearing soaked clothing all because someone wanted to fight her? It was outrageous, how could someone do so much for such a small and petty cause? The Avvar leader wanted to fight her so badly, that in itself was strange since she wasn’t a god or even something close to that!

It angered her, that the people who worked for her, were subjected to this level of mistreatment. Nothing like this would ever happen again, not on her watch.

_They can mess with me all they like, but they will not hurt my people. If they do, I’ll make them pay._

Her last thought caught her off guard.

_It happened again! I, Jazlynn Laliberté, just made a violent threat. What is happening to me? My pacifist nature just vanished before I could notice._

Once again, she was confused at what she became. Thedas completely changed her, in more ways than one.

* * *

 

“Herald! You’ve returned,” called Commander Cullen, whilst he trained his troops.

The bags under his eyes seemed to grow with each passing day, work piled on his heavy shoulders but his determination and will of steel kept him going. To Jazlynn, it was remarkable. Her work was probably minimal to what he had to do on a daily basis, but he wasn’t locking himself up in his tent like a coward. Not only was the leader of an army, but he was also in a constant battle against his craving for lyrium. Jazlynn knew very little about it, the only thing she was aware of was that lyrium is an addiction and she respected his decision to refuse it. 

“I did, what’s the situation here?” she asked authoritatively, trying to be a leader.

His face softened in relief for his expectations, “We are almost ready to carry out an assault on the Breach, it’s almost over. Go to the war table, we shall discuss more.”

As she scampered away in anticipation, Varric stopped her. His fear of Cassandra was squandered after witnessing Jazlynn going through such turmoil over the past few weeks. With Hawke there, it was certain he could comfort her and guide her to the path of success.

“I’ve got some good news, I finally managed to contact Hawke, he’s on his way here,” Varric told her.

“Perfect timing! We’re about to close the Breach in a little bit so he can join us during the celebration.”

She continued her path to the Chantry and began pondering the outcome. It felt odd for the Breach to close so soon like something would swoop down and interrupt everything.

_Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised, so far every time I think something is going to go well, it ends up being really screwed up._

Now with lower expectations, she attended the meeting. She and the advisors went over every strategy for this battle, they made sure they had enough supplies for the job and even discussed back up plans. Occasionally, the advisors turned to her for decisions and even hope that her famed knowledge of the future could shed light on the outcome.

Unfortunately, the only thing she could come up with was Varric telling someone ‘this shit is weird’. Not particularly helpful for strategies.

The meeting was important, but it also dragged on as they double-checked absolutely everything. The sun was already down by the time Jazlynn returned to her cabin. Her desk was still just as messy, but it felt right. All the time she spent with her new friends made her think of her old friends. Particularly, Merrill, she promised letters and so far there were none delivered. That would change that night. She picked up a piece of parchment and her quill and started to write away, letting the words flow onto the paper.

_It’s been a while, hasn’t it Merrill?_

_I don’t know about your end, but things around here have been hectic! I’m sure you’ve heard of the Breach and the Inquisition, so I won’t go over that. But I am the Herald of Andraste apparently. I’m not sure how this happened, I suddenly got this weird glowing mark on my hand so a bunch of people decided I was in charge. Oh, and I’m dying or something like that._

_Anyway, how are you? I hope things have calmed down in Kirkwall, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t. I know Kirkwall was and is a terrible city but it somehow felt like home. Although, I don’t think I could ever go back. It’s painful enough to think about it. All of our friends leaving, Anders being dead. I wonder if the rest of us could ever be reunited again, just for a little while._

_Wishful thinking, I know. Feel free to drop by the Inquisition if you’ve got nowhere to go, I miss you._

_-Jazlynn_

The letter was sealed in an envelope before she went to bed for the night. The next morning, she went to go see Varric in hopes he could send the letter to Kirkwall's alienage. Thankfully, he sais yes and the letter was on it's way to the elven mage. 

* * *

 

A silhouette dressed in a heavy cloak walked along a path, underneath the shroud of mystery was shiny pointed armor. Red stood out against everything, ebony black hair and mischievous amber eyes stared ahead. A crumpled letter was in his hand, it called him to go to the snow-covered mountains.

A woman dressed in a dirty dress looked up from her farm work, “Look! It’s the Champion of Kirkwall isn’t it?” she whispered to her husband.

"That it is, what's he doin' here?" 


	9. Hell Yeah, Party Time!

Inquisition soldiers marched forward, Cullen leading them at the front. Leliana's scouts had already gone ahead to assess the Breach, they darted through the shadows with great haste and secrecy. The packs of potions were fully stocked, with the help of the mages. All blades had just been freshly sharpened and shield strengthened, courtesy of Harritt. An air of confidence, vigour and unity did not go unnoticed. Everyone was ready, they had a mission and it was getting done that day. 

"Herald!" called the Commander.

Jazlynn had been trailing behind, she was not the leader, just as the Iron Bull pointed it out earlier. The Inquisition ran as smoothly as it could considering circumstances, it was obvious that a dedicated leader would be beneficial to them. However, Cassandra or Cullen would be better candidates than her, or so she believed. 

_"A leader is someone who is willing to make the hard decisions and live with the consequences," he told her._

_Well, I'm definitely not the leader. I can barely do the first part._

He defined how the Qun chooses their leaders, but he did not mention what it means to be a good one. A good leader doesn't seek power, but they are organized, compassionate, open-minded and determined. They protect their people, put their needs first but the leader isn't selfless enough to let themselves die. When trouble comes knocking at the door, they decide if they should save themselves and rebuild what was lost or sacrifice themselves and leave the people behind. No decision is easier than the other, it takes skill to figure out which is better.

“Yes?” Jazlynn answered Cullen from her awkward position next to the troops.

He steered his horse off to the side and waved her over, “I believe the leader should be at the front.”

_I’m not the leader! Well, not officially anyway... Not that I even want to be, by the way!_

Her horse sped up his trot and took his place beside Cullen’s, guided by Jazlynn. She swayed awkwardly with most turns on the path, to which the man beside her chuckled at.

“Your rider’s poster is terrible. When this over, you must let me teach you.”

She glared with a huff, “pretty sure Hawke wasn’t complaining about my riding,” she grumbled.

Varric snorted at her quip, the inner circle was always behind her, no matter what it seemed.

“What?” he demanded, cheeks warming up.

“Nothing,” she snickered.

* * *

 

_Just like closing a rift, but more complicated._

She groaned in pain at her minor injuries; a shade took her by surprise and gave her nasty clawing. She’d had enough experience with those marks, thankfully her dodging improved since saving Leandra. She wouldn’t be waking up in an unfamiliar bed wrapped up in bandages from running head first into trouble, or so she hoped.

Adan finished up on treating her scratches, the cloth he used smelled heavily of elfroot. In fact, the entire cabin smelled of elfroot, there was no shortage of the stuff.

“There, you’re all good. Now get out there and celebrate, you’ve earned it,” the healer dismissed her.

She beelined for the tavern where the music was the loudest and the cheering was rambunctious. The serving girls wouldn’t be catching a break anytime soon, after a long battle, the only thing anyone wanted was a drink.

When she opened the doors, she found the place packed to the brim with people. There were so many soldiers, mages and scouts alike that they placed makeshift tables outside. Varric was in the centre of the room, currently in a game of Wicked Grace. His table had a massive, impenetrable crowd around it, apparently him and his opponent kicked up quite the fuss. As people moved around, trying to see the game, Jazlynn caught a head of curly blond hair.

“Deal me another round, I’ve got it this time!”

_Is that… Commander Cullen? Playing Wicked Grace with Varric? It’s not even 5 o'clock!_

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to sneak in, she turned her attention elsewhere. On a different table was Sera, who was laughing at something, the Iron Bull and… was that Dorian?

_Oh, I get what’s happening, Bull convinced Dorian to chug some terrible alcohol._

“Hey, Jaz, get over here!” the slightly drunk Qunari invited.

She weaved through the crowds of people, some waiting for drinks and others watching Cullen losing to Varric at cards.

“Hey guys, I see you’re all having a good time,” she grinned.

“Yeah, tell you what, you’ve recruited some people who know how to party,” Bull proudly exclaimed, resting his hand on Dorian’s shoulder.

“Oh stop it, you brute…” he slurred, “I’ve only had one drink.”

Both Sera and Bull howled with laughter.

“Well, I’ll see you guys later! I’ve got someone to find,” Jazlynn waved goodbye as she walked out from the back door. She wandered around, watching the groups of people dancing in circles and drinking themselves into a stupor. Unsure which entrance Hawke would be arriving at, she walked back and forth, crossing paths with Solas. He seemed skeptical like something wasn’t right about this outcome.

_Come to think of it, there’s something about him that I feel like I should know. I do know that if you romance him, you get your heart broken. But, unlike other romances, you can’t avoid it. It must be dreadful to go through that._

Shivering from the cold, she continued roaming the path over and over again, only slower than before. Worry started slipping into her mind, her eyes searched everywhere and her breath started coming quicker.

_What if he didn’t make it? What if while I was at the assault on the Breach he got lost or attacked by demons or Templars or blood mages? What if he needs my help?_

_What if he’s not coming back, ever?_

_Please let him just be a little late, please don’t let him die._

_I love him._

Then she heard footsteps far behind her, she whipped around and there he was. Garrett Hawke in the flesh, the hood of his cloak was left down, the wind ruffled his hair and his beard was slightly grown out. The signature red mark on his nose was unmistakable. Falcon, his trusty mabari, barked at her in joy.

His eyebrows shot up and his face illuminated with glee when he recognized the woman in front of him, “Jazlynn!”

“Garrett!” she cheered as she sprinted to him.

When they met, Jazlynn jumped into his welcoming arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. He spun her around, burying himself in her neck. She yelped at his freezing nose in the warm crook of her neck, throwing him off balance. They landed in the snow together, arms tight around each other and laughing in pure delight. She rolled him over, straddling him and kissed him relentlessly while Falcon ran around in circles.

“Maker, I’ve missed you,” he murmured in between kisses.

“So have I,” she whispered back.

He ran his glove-covered hands up and down her back and hips, feeling her. She was there, she was real and she was alive. He stared up at her eyes, the calming forest green was turning to a brighter one and it was very slowly taking over the cool blue. Varric briefly told him of the mark on her hand, how it was killing her very slowly but it was also the only thing that could be used to close rifts. He frowned at how very real this thing was, and how it was affecting her.

”I will not let you die,” he promised, tightening his grip on her waist and switching their positions.

She gave him a look of confusion, “What do you mean? Am I going to die?”

“But, the mark on your hand, Varric told me it was-“

“It’s over now, it’s not killing me anymore because we’ve closed the Breach. There’s nothing to worry-“

An ear-splitting crash erupted through the air, the mark flared up in reaction and suddenly there was a lot of fire. And green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that I'm funny.


	10. Hell No, Death Time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up! I changed the actual dialogue and course of events to make it more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This author is using the notes section as her diary, part two.  
> I'm trying to sew a nug, right? I've got more than enough material and all, it's just, I don't actually know how to make patterns or anything. But I'm too lazy and stubborn to go find one so I've been half-assing these patterns and sewing them together, by hand might I add! I mean, I do have a sewing machine, but it's scary to use, so I'm not using it.  
> Also, I made some mood boards for my characters in my fully original story! It's really funny when I tell my friends because they're all like "holy shit! you're writing a novel! you're a genius omg!"  
> But, writing isn't that hard tbh. It's writing well that's the hard part. Trying to write well is when you have the blocks, loss of inspiration and all that fun jazz. But just writing, is the same amount of effort and thought put into quick text messages. A little controversial, I know. Let's compare it to drawing. (wow, how original) Just drawing to me, means quick little sketches. Like smiley faces or hearts. But drawing well is painting a picture, creating art from your fingertips. Drawing well means putting thought into it, just like writing well.  
> So yeah, simple writing is different than good writing because one has thought behind it and the other doesn't.  
> (where was I going with this? Idk, new chapter! Read it or whatever)

For a moment, all they could do was stare at each other, Hawke in mostly confusion and Jazlynn in complete and utter panic. They had no plan, most of Haven’s soldiers were drunk or passed out. The first crash they heard was the trebuchet’s shot against the mountain, made to drown out a few red Templar troops. Haven was being attacked, and they lying in the snow like hormonal teenagers drunk on emotions of love and lust. The second crash they heard was the result of an archdemon blowing up the trebuchet, followed by a terrifyingly loud cry.

_How could we have missed that bell ringing in the air?!_

Finally, they bolted up from the ground and sprinted to the gates with Falcon trailing behind them. They ran past soldiers and mages. Just as they arrived, Cullen just finished closing the gates.

He turned around and saw Jazlynn there, “there you are! Where have you been? You missed an entire attack!” he demanded, unnoticing the man beside her.

“I-I,” she stuttered.

“We just-,“ Hawke tried to answer.

“Hawke? When did you get here?” he asked in bewilderment, “nevermind, don’t answer that. Everyone to the Chantry now!”

Leaving the conversation before it even began, Cullen went ahead. Hawke was about to follow, but stopped to wait for Jazlynn who’s feet were somehow stuck to the ground. She stared down, taking in all that just happened.

_Why couldn’t I have been here?_

Her ears picked the sound of her people moaning in pain, others dying. Either way, no one could help them. What was a winning success turned into a very real failure full of harmful fright. The smell of fire eating away at the cabins, supplies and people alike gagged her. This attack on Haven meant death.

“Jazlynn?”

She did not answer him for the words could not and would not pass her mind to her mouth. Shock and horror stopped her from being able to speak, however, they did not stop her from moving.

_People. Dying. Slowly. Painfully. No help for them. Anguish._

_All of it, my fault._

_I should have been here. I should have been more responsible, less selfish, more capable, less pathetic, braver, less me, more someone else._

An arrow whizzed by her ear, an archer with red crystals growing from his shoulder had his bow in hand. Hawke immediately jumped into action, axe in his hands as he cleaved through the forces against them. Though she was slow, Jazlynn joined him with her daggers and sharply precise cuts.

She felt her pulse quicken madly, the space around her felt too tight causing her head to feel dizzy. Guilt and anxiety clawed at her mind, fogging out rationality.

“Jazlynn, are you alright?” Hawke asked her, worry lacing his voice, but to Jazlynn’s ears it was accusatory and distant, “can you see and hear me?”

_Sight. Quick 5, 5 things you can see._

She shakily moved her head around, picking out random things to observe. Paying special attention to find things that wouldn’t aggravate her state.

_A Bush, sword, stone wall, barrel, and chest._

_Okay, now 4. 4 things you can hear._

She felt this exercise working, her mind was beginning to clear and she could focus again. Ignoring her progress for the moment, she strained her ears to listen for specific sounds. 

_Wind, fire crackling, whimpers- wait, where are the whimpers coming from?_

She concentrated on the sound she picked up and followed it to the tavern. One of the serving girls didn’t manage to get out in time, so she was stuck in a burning building. Setting aside her previous task, she focused on getting the door open. With the help of her daggers, she got rid of the boxes blocking the entryway. Hawke came over to help break the door down, going along with her goal.

Over the splinters and chunks of wood, was a room filled with broken planks of wood hanging from the ceiling and some laying on the floor. The hot air wafted to their faces, the fire shone brightly.

“Jazlynn, I don’t think it’s a good idea to-“

_If I can’t save one person, then what good am I?_

She ignored his concern and jumped in, prioritizing saving a citizen of Haven her health. Smoke surrounded her, the heat passed through her armour almost burning her. Uncaring of the danger, she searched the place to find the girl she’s heard whimpering.

“Jazlynn!” Hawke called from outside with Falcon barking worriedly.

She took initiative to look further and ducked under two crisscrossing planks, half consumed by fire. In the corner, was the girl curled up in a ball shivering and shaking from fear. Smoke and tears coloured her face, Jazlynn noticed when she lifted her head. The girl took her extended hand and rose to her feet. They were about to leave until more parts of the roof caved in, blocking their path. The girl screamed in terror, hiding her face in Jazlynn’s shoulder. Falcon howled into the night, scratching at the unburned part of the wall. 

“Jazlynn! Where are you?” Hawke called from inside the cabin.

“Behind the burning planks!” she answered, holding the girl tightly.

With his axe, Hawke cleared the path for them and pulled them out. Just as they left, the entire structure of the building fell apart. The girls coughed out the smoke in their lungs, relishing in the sort of clean air. The dog whimpered and rubbed his head against Jazlynn's thigh. 

_Well, that was close._

“Go to Chantry,” Jazlynn told the girl, “It’s the safest place in all of Haven.”

Hawke grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him, “What were you thinking?!”

“I… well-“

“You don’t have an answer, do you?” he accepted, “You are going get yourself killed by doing this! Is that what you want?”

_Sometimes. Not gonna lie, being the Herald of whatever is not what I signed up for._

“I’m sorry, I just can’t seem to be able to ask for help…”

“In all this time, haven’t you learned anything?!”

“Well, I can tell people to do things!” she sputtered in defence, referencing the war table operations.

“But you still can’t ask help, except for that one time after you were kidnapped and didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s a work in progress!”

“It better be!” he yelled back, “Let’s go to the Chantry, arguing out here won’t do anything.”

She agreed and started to follow him up the stairs, picking up speed the more fire rained down from the sky as the archdemon flew about.

Thankfully, the doors were still open so they wouldn’t be stranded outside. The entire inner circle was already inside, waiting for Jazlynn. Chancellor Roderick shouted to everyone who was still out there, that they should go inside for it was the only shelter. He almost collapsed before a boy helped him get inside. Soldier slammed the doors shut, locking everything and everyone else out. There were wounded people sitting on the ground, receiving the bare minimum help they could get, healers ran from one side to the other.

“Hawke, you made it! Sorry, we couldn’t give you a warm welcome,” Varric exclaimed.

“I’ve had worse welcomes, remember that time at the Viscount’s Keep?” he laughed.

The dwarf chuckled, “Yeah, didn’t Aveline ban you or something?”

The two rekindled their friendship as Cullen and the new boy, Cole, told Jazlynn about their situation. Long story short, their only option was to put her as bait so the people could escape. One last trebuchet could bury the army, and the Elder One, but also all of Haven leaving Jazlynn with no escape.

“So my options are: die with the rest of the people or die alone?”

“Maybe not, you’ve proven yourself to be resourceful, you might escape or find a way.”

_At this point, it sounds like I have to do anything as long as I hurt this thing._

Hawke caught bits and pieces of their conversation, “so she’s being put in the most dangerous position now?”

“Champion, I-“

“No, no, it’s fine. I understand, Commander,” he spat, “but just know that if she’s going down so am I.”

Cullen nodded at his proclaim and led the sent out his last orders. Cole helped the Chancellor move forward so he could show the way out.

Varric stepped forward, “Well, I can’t let you guys have all the fun. I’ll go with you.”

“We’re probably about to die,” Jazlynn laughed, “what’s so fun about that?”

“As a writer, I know that fights to the death are always more interesting.”

She smiled and looked around, “We need one more, it’s always best to travel in groups of four people.”

“A heroic death makes a bold statement, yes?” Dorian volunteered.

“A Tevinter magister fighting to the death for the sake of southerners? Think of the outrage,” she chuckled.

The party left the Chantry after restocking their potions, red Templars greeted them almost immediately. They fought their way to the trebuchet, Jazlynn took care of aiming it using her knowledge of physics and angles. When trouble came, the other three made sure to keep them off her back but Falcon stayed the closest to her.

However, before she could fire, the archdemon charged towards them. Dorian and Varric made sure to get well out of the way, but Hawke and his mabari stayed a little closer to Jazlynn. Fire mixed with lighting shot to the ground, sending her flying but she got back up rapidly.

“Corypheus…” Hawke whispered, disbelieving.

The archdemon circled around her threateningly, out of instinct, Hawke dove in beside her with fury in his eyes. If she was dying, so was he. The being they called the Elder One who was also Corypheus, as Jazlynn predicted, sauntered towards them. He sneered at the mortals before him, these puny humans thought they could stand up to him? Preposterous.

The mark on her hand flared violently as he tried to take it away causing her fall to her knees. Hawke went to her side, though unknowing what to do for her, he glared at the threat. This was the point where the mage and the dwarf who accompanied them, took off for good, trying to save themselves so they could report what they just saw. 

“You were a mistake, filthy otherworlder. You were never meant to come here, you do not belong here and you never will. Did you honestly think otherwise?”

_I’m already over this, find something new to antagonize me with._

“There was another, a different, more competent one who was meant for this world,” he continued.

_Alright, that’s new._

“What do you mean?” she asked.

The wanna-be god picked her up by her wrist and held her at eye level. Hawke tried to intervene, but the archdemon behind him hissed menacingly, begrudgingly putting him back to his place. He gritted his teeth as he watched the ancient magister go on about the gods and put his love in peril.

“There was no ‘chosen one’. However, I have seen a different version of this story, where I was defeated. Ans so I return here, prepared for the Herald I watched, but disappointedly, here you are.”

“How did you get back here?” Hawke demanded, “It doesn’t make sense, you might be able to move time, but you can’t move between worlds!”

“I have more power than you can imagine!” he roared, shaking Jazlynn.

While Corypheus put his attention back to Jazlynn, Hawke scurried over to the trebuchet axe in hand. The crazed magister rambled dramatically about how he came to be, how there were no gods and he would replace them to fix this world.

“Since you want a victory so badly,” Hawke yelled right after Cullen’s signal, “here’s a prize for you!”

The trebuchet launched the load towards the mountain. He understood what Hawke just did, he groused in annoyance before recklessly throwing Jazlynn away to him. She tumbled on the ground, grunting in pain. He caught her and helped her up before he started running with her wrist in his hand, Falcon trailing behind them. Meanwhile, the archdemon picked up his master and flew off without a problem. Snow hurdled down, destroying everything in its path. The three ran from it, jumping over a ledge but stumbling and falling down an opening in the ground. Hawke's and Jazlynn's hands slipped from each other’s grasp, they separated and went different ways. When they awoke, the three were in the snow with the harsh wind blowing against them, but they were nowhere near each other.

At least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, guys listen to the song of my people.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuMCZHyGwXw&t=63s  
> (i love this guy so much tbh, he is my hero)  
> Just to clear up some stuff, the only thing Corypheus saw was the last battle! Nothing else.


	11. Maybe, Maybe Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever... posted a chapter and then immediately deleted it?  
> That definitely wasn't me on Tuesday. Nope. I am confident in my writing.  
> (fucking bullshit Author, you haven't been confident in anything since grade 5)
> 
> Anyway! Hey! New chapter! I talk about stuff! Yay!

Garrett and Jazlynn shivered together by the fire in the makeshift Inquisition camp. Scouts had found them both, separated by the howling wind and snow. Falcon was the one who them to the two, whining incessantly. They were given a blanket each upon their arrival, the healers quickly checked them over for serious injuries before tending to the wounded. All the two had was a minor case of frostbite so their treatment was; warm themselves up slowly to avoid further damage. They sat in silence, thinking about what Corypheus had just told them. Leliana would probably be over soon to ask them what actually happened.

_I can’t say I’m surprised. Since the start of the Inquisition I’ve been a terrible leader, sure, I’m learning and all, but I’m learning too slowly. Everyone hates me, I know it._

_My decision for supporting the mages or Templars was done over a counting game! Who decided it was a good idea to put me in charge? Well, now I know, that I was apparently never meant for that so there might not be any point in trying if I’m going to fail miserably. Thanks, Corypheus! That’s not going to haunt me forever or anything._

_Screw you, weird darkspawn magister god-wanna-be evildoer. Go back to… the… wherever you came from. It's the Fade, isn't it? Whatever, I don’t need you in my life, nobody here does._

_I don’t want this. Someone, please, take this life away from me._

“Do you remember when I asked you: If you had a choice between staying here and going back. Which would you choose?” Garrett asked her, quoting himself and referring to her homeland.

_Serious question I’ve got here. Would I choose my quiet boring life over my stressful exciting life? I know that I’m not meant for this, and though I **might** be able to grow enough to be qualified, there’s too much at stake for a maybe. I’ve seen the future, and like future Leliana said, I have to try. Trying is better than nothing, right? _

_Should I lie? To make myself seem like a better person than I actually am. Or tell the truth, admitting what an incompetent weakling I am._

_Technically, I won’t be lying if I don’t know my answer._

Her silence pained him immensely, the more time passed, the more it was obvious she wasn’t happy with her life and theoretically, she would leave him. In that situation, he would have to respect her decision and let her go.

When love visits you, you cherish it. They will light up the darkest days, clear away the clouds of self-doubt, hold you tightly and join you in life. Love can help you grow, or you help love grow. But sometimes, love has to leave. Maybe love doesn’t want you anymore, or maybe love never wanted to leave you. But love won’t always stay. So when love leaves you, you let them go. If you chain your love to your side, it isn't about love anymore. No, it's about owning them, as if your love was a mere possession. When you forbid your love from freedom, it's twisted and dark objectification.   

“… I’m not sure,” Jazlynn whispered honestly.

Sometimes, love doesn’t know.

* * *

Jazlynn was given a cot on her own, Hawke had recovered well enough that he didn't need the proper rest. She laid on her own for a while, staring the starry night. The arguing between the advisors persisted, her guilt for her helplessness growing. The cold wafted through the tent's fabric, chilling her fingertips, feet and nose. Her breaths were scarcely visible in the air, the fire was close enough to keep her that warm. Sleep refused to come to her, though she was tired and could barely do anything but lie there. She thought even more about where she was in life. Searching for a legitimate answer to Hawke's question. But nothing ever came up. It was all empty. She hated her job, but couldn't fathom the thought of abandoning the people depending on her. She wanted to give her position to someone else but also wanted to prove a point to herself and others. Such as the nobles who scoffed at her for even trying. 

 _"Who does she think she is? Meddling in everything when she doesn't actually belong here,"_   once gossiped an Orlesian to her friend. 

She had experience in people doubting her, of course, she was a girl who once pursued a career in a field dominated by men. It was nothing new to strive and work harder to receive basic respect. But on Earth, not meeting those expectations didn't mean the end of the world. In Thedas, it was a little different. 

"You must rest, you have everyone counting on you," Mother Giselle told her. 

_Thank you, Captain Obvious._

The Chantry Mother spent the night so far, going around the camp offering words of comfort. Jazlynn was no different. 

"I know I have to rest, it's all I can do. So I feel useless sitting here, but when I try to do something, it doesn't feel right. I don't deserve this."

"I understand how you must feel, the people of the Inquisition had an expectation of you that you could not meet. But in helping to close the Breach, you've gained their trust," the Mother reassured in a soft voice. 

_Bullshit, I bet they only follow me because they've been told to do so. Cassandra has that effect on people._

"Right, I'm sure they just love the freak who doesn't belong here," she retorted sarcastically.

"Why wouldn't they? You have risked your life, time and time again to save them. The people admire you, Herald, your kind heart has changed their minds. You do everything you can for them, and ask for nothing in return." 

Jazlynn sighed, "That's the problem. I constantly try to be the hero, I never ask for help and I know I should but, I can't. I don't know why! Maybe I'm too independent or I have trust issues or I don't think I am worthy of help or-"

"I believe that you can learn, we are here for you."

"Yeah, I've been  _working on it_ for months and guess what? No progress."

"The Inquisition can help you grow. It is never a bad thing to ask for help or to admit weakness."

Jazlynn's smart mouth died there, Mother Giselle had good point. Asking for help was a good thing, she couldn't think of a reason why trying to learn from others was bad. If anything it was good. 

"I understand," she answered, "tell me, what happened while I was gone?"

The Mother began telling in great detail what the people saw and thought, how belief was put into the equation. How the people saw Corypheus, but more than just how he's a villain that wants the world destroyed. She spoke about the Maker and hope. 

"Unfortunately,  _hope_ isn't going to save us. We can pray as much as we want, but it won't stop wounds from bleeding or demons from killing," Jazlynn bitterly stated, walking up from the cot to go see Leliana. The spymaster was eager to know things about Corypheus, as well as what he knew. She was beside Josephine, Cullen and Cassandra were nearby, and they all had the look of despair.

_Everything is up to me. If I fail, everyone dies. The pressure is on, but I don't have time for wallowing in self-pity. I may hate my life, but it's selfish to bring others down because of it._

Her steps were wobbly, her vision went blurry for a second. Her body clearly protested against her moving but she paid no attention. She looked around, forced herself to watch and see the people around her. Some coughing, others sobbing over the deaths. The injured laid in pain, almost lifeless. The dead were taken away from camp, cries from their loved ones echoed in the night. But, in between the misery, were the grateful ones. The ones who smiled at her, thanked her relentlessly, who were glad to see her. There were some who looked up from the ground and looked at her in wonder. 

She didn't see them before, but now she did. And there were many of them. 

However, there also wasn't enough of them. Too many were hit by the attack on Haven she foolishly missed. Never again, would she be so careless with her people. If she couldn't predict and prevent a horrible future, she would at the very least be with them. 

_Shadows fall_

_and hope as fled._

_Steel your heart,_

_the dawn will come._

Mother Giselle sang, her melodic voice all through the air. She smoothly strolled to the centre of camp, gathering everyone's attention. They all joined her hymn, strangely without ever having a rehearsal. By the end, the entire camp stood around her, singing together, their voices so loud it overpowered the howling wind and carried over the mountains.  

The unity of the Inquisition empowered their Herald so when Solas asked to have a word with her, her heart didn't stop with panic. She smoothly and intellectually took his conversation. Her functionality seemed to return, she went to Leliana, confidently told her everything she knew. When the bard gave her a pitying and disappointed look, her intense want to run away and hide wasn't nearly as strong as it used to be. She felt good and proud of herself for the first time in months. 

Meanwhile, Hawke, watched her from a distance, asking himself where their relationship would be going. With Jazlynn being a leader of a not-yet powerful organization, it complicated things. Would she still want to be with him? Falcon's ears perked up at the sound of footsteps, Hawke's contemplation was peaked when he saw her walk towards his tent. 

"Hey, I want to talk to you about us, is that okay?" she asked him.

"Of course," he nervously answered. 

She sat on the crate beside his cot, "I've been thinking about your question earlier," she started, "and I think I want to make myself a better person. I believe the Inquisition can help me, I may not be this sure of myself on most days, but I like the person I just saw myself as. So, my answer is still the same, I would stay."

"Thank the Maker, but what about us?" 

She couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but she wanted nothing more than to have him by side, to hold her when she felt lonely or worthless. She wanted him with her through the whole process, at the end of the day, he was home. 

"I want to stay together," she said, squeezing his hand, "when I saw you again, I was the happiest I've been in my entire life."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you have the Perfect word for something and write it in. But you forget it's in another language... I didn't know it was possible to forget what words are in English and which ones are not! Speaking of languages though, I can never write 'pork' or 'just' on the first try. All because French decides to have the same damn word but one letter is different! Unless English stole those words from other languages, in which case, why?? English is essentially that kid who steals everything but doesn't use it all the time.  
> (not that French has any room to talk)


	12. Who's a Good Boy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who totally didn't forget about everyone's favourite dog, Falcon? Ha ha ha ha, who was it? Me? No, no you've been mistaken, that was my editor's assistant intern... (that was a joke, I'm completely alone)  
> Okay, I confess. 
> 
> I completely forgot about him. I'm sorry, okay! ;_;
> 
> So here's an apology chapter for forgetting about the most important character in Dragon Age, Hawke's mabari. (only the BEST boy in all of Thedas)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In today's episode of This Writer Forgets Things, we have a dog and some fluff. Oh, and a dog!

"You know Garrett, I think Falcon likes me more than you," Jazlynn stated. 

The mabari's head laid in her lap as she scratched behind his ears, a content grin on her face. With the rest of the Inquisition resting in shifts for security purposes, the three of them had retired to their tent for the night after a long day of scouting the northern mountains. Hawke looked up from his letter from his mother back in Kirkwall to glare at Falcon.

"Why is it that everyone who follows me, betrays me?" 

"Hey! I haven't betrayed you!" she scoffed.

"Yes, you have!" he retorted with a scowl, "you're doing it right now! You think you're so sneaky, stealing my dog like that."

She sighed dramatically, "I can't help it that people like me, it's a curse." 

"Fine! Why don't you two run along and save the world together since you clearly don't need me anymore," he feigned a look of hurt.

"Good idea, what do you think boy? You wanna go kill some demons?" 

Falcon barked happily, agreeing to help her, and jumped around. 

"Look what you did, you got him all excited for a fight but there's nothing here," Garrett scolded.

"I'm sure there's something outside he can kill, come on boy, let's go for a walk."

Jazlynn got up, pressed a kiss to Garrett’s cheek and left their tent. Falcon loyally followed her outside, to which Garrett rolled his eyes before continuing reading his letter. He and Leandra tried to stay in touch as much as they could, they talked about nothing and everything. The weather, interesting people, stories and of course how each other was doing. Due to her son's status of Champion, and the circumstances in Kirkwall, Leandra had gained popularity. Unfortunately, that popularity came with several angry people whose hatred for the Champion was put on the woman. Aveline always ensured that the Lady had the necessary protection at the estate, thus, there were days she wouldn't be allowed outside. With her son gone, Bodahn and Sandal too, it was just her and Orana in those lonely halls. It was in those times that she grateful for her son's quick decision to hiring the elf. 

_I was thinking of remarrying, but then I remembered Quentin. I am afraid of going through that again, but this time, I can't be saved. Bethany hasn't written to me in days, I worry about what has become of her. Once you finish whatever you're doing, come back to the Free Marches and find your sister._

_You'll visit me soon enough, won't you?_

_-Mother_

After fetching a stray piece of parchment and quill, he began writing his response.

_I will, I promise Mother. But not now, I can’t just leave her when the entire world is depending on her. I have to help, I have to protect her, and I can’t ever leave her side. You understand don’t you Mother? You were once in love. As soon as we get a chance to breathe, I’ll visit, and I’ll bring her along if I can._

_-Garrett_

He set down his quill and left the ink to dry on the crate they called a desk. Dressed in only his loose shirt and trousers, he stepped out of the tent. Jazlynn had apparently found a stick and was gleefully spending her time throwing it as far as she could for Falcon.

“He always did like sticks…”

He joined her out in the open, rubbing his hands together from the cold. Anyone who was nearby was probably tearing their hair out from the unnecessary cooing. But to him, it was strangely endearing. Falcon barked as he ran back with the stick in his mouth and started to circle around Hawke.

“Look who finally decided to be a good dog for me!” he joked.

“Oh shut it you, he’s the best dog,” she jested, “Hang on, aren’t you cold?”

“Who? Me? No, impossible.”

“Garrett.”

“What? It’s true, I’m never cold when I’m with you. Do you know why?” Jazlynn didn’t have time to say something before he answered his own question, “it’s because your love warms my heart.”

She snorted, “that was cheesy. Did you get that from Varric?"

"Maybe," he shrugged.

"Go back in that tent King of Romance.”

“And should I, my love?” he asked, imitating a character from one of Varric’s tales.

“Just do it,” she grinned with lovesick expression, shoving him in the general direction.

He complied in returning, “fine, but you better join me,” he added with a wink.

_Yeah, this is the man I love._

After deciding that her arm would tire sooner than the dog, she led him back to the tent, crossing paths with Solas. The dog growled at the apostate, who returned him a sour look with a defensive stance. The two never got along, from the first second they sensed the other’s presence.

_I wonder why they don’t like each other._

“Sorry about that Solas,” she apologized, “come on boy, let’s go.”

He reluctantly stepped forward with her, keeping a watchful eye on the Dread Wolf.

_Weird, he usually loves people, well not bandits or people trying to kill us, but everyone else, he loves them! Why wouldn’t he like Solas? He’s not a bad guy. Unless he’s hiding something, dogs seem to always know when someone's got something malicious up their sleeve._

Varric waved her over with a letter in hand.

“What’s up? Anything new for me?” she greeted.

“Yeah, my contacts just had this delivered to me. It’s from Kirkwall,” he handed the envelope to her. It smelled intensely of elfroot and herbal tea, she knew who it from already.

_Merrill._

The sweet girl told the stories of her people in the most passionate and eloquent manner. One specific tale came to mind, the one about a Keeper’s dog protecting his master against the evil whispers from the Dread Wolf.

_“Ever since then, the Dread Wolf thinks twice about playing his tricks when dogs are on guard.”_

_Wait, Solas just happens to be very uptight around. And he’s very vague and mysterious when he talks about himself. Could it be that Solas is the Dread Wolf? But, I thought that the Dread Wolf was an evil villain or something. Unless he’s just misunderstood!_

_Alright, until I know more, Solas being an old god called Fen’Harel is just a possibility. No need to jump to conclusions._

She shook her head and returned to tent with Merrill’s letter. She opened it with a smile, genuinely happy to hear from her friend. Hawke’s mabari went on ahead, eager to go back in.

_It’s so nice to hear from you! I must say, the stories I’ve heard are unbelievable. Is it true that you walked out of the Fade? But not in a dream, just physically walked out? That is magic I’ve never heard of, I’ve even asked around if anyone else heard about it._

_I’ve been alright, all things considered. Aveline is a very good friend, she helps me protect the refugees, well as long as they’re not trouble. But aside from her, I don’t have many friends. The refugees see me as a mother rather than a friend, it’s odd. If I can, I might be able to come down and visit, I miss you too and I’ve got stories to tell that I can’t write a letter. I hope you don’t mind if I bring a few refugees, they’re all very friendly I promise._

_-Merrill_

With Hawke beside her, she laid in her bedroll, reading the letter with a grin on her face. Falcon had finally calmed down and was snoring softly. Once she set the piece of parchment down, Hawke pulled her in an embrace with her back facing him.

“I missed you,” he murmured, pressing kisses along her neck.

She chuckled, “I know, you’ve already told me.”

“And now, I’m showing you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, I'm going to be introducing a new character pretty soon. I have two different ones in mind, so I need your guys' opinion (or else I'm not writing in either, I know, how threatening). The first option in my female Adaar, she's a mage, badass and shy af around girls because she's that level of gay. The second option is another modern person in Thedas, very up-to-date on memes and high-key dead inside.  
> Please let me know which one you want in the comments!!


	13. Wait, What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: hey author, make some damn sense!  
> (I'm giving up on summaries lmao)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This author's diary entry #3 (I think, it might be 4, I'm too lazy to check)  
> Right so, have you ever signed up for something out of impulse, and then immediately regretted it when you had to do it?  
> That was me for a solid 2 hours today during this math competition. Honestly, I'm not sure why I keep doing it every year. I'm actually kind of stupid when it comes to equations and stuff. I know, kind of weird isn't it? I wrote a 50k fanfic featuring a math nerd, that must've been some kind of representation of myself. But, it's not.  
> At least not anymore. I genuinely used to love Math, but now I've got this love-hate relationship. You see, back in sixth grade, I was the art kid. I had two things I was good at, Math and Art. Unfortunately, I dropped art because at the time (and still today) Math is the best subject to be good at. All the teachers praise the math and geek kids because they're all so smart! So there's me, not thinking art was worth anything, dropped it completely to pursue Math, even if I didn't actually have any passion for it! I just did it because I had this aptitude with numbers and figured, hey, I'm good at this so I'm going to pursue this even if I have zero interest! And I regret it now, like a lot, for obvious reasons.  
> Okay, so why would I write a story about a math nerd, if I don't like it anymore? Well, one, I still love math jokes. So I kind of wrote a 50k word joke. But also, it's a jab at the education system for being kind of shit. Here's Jazlynn, the goody-two-shoes student who always hands in her work on time. But here's also Jazlynn, who doesn't know how to work with others because, for 15 years of her life, she's learned that her work will never be credited and there's nothing she can do about it so there's no point in getting angry. She's learned that when she wants something done, she has to do it herself. That's where her bad habit comes from, in case you're wondering.  
> So yeah, sometimes what you're good at won't make you happy. So if you have the chance, pursue what you love even if it's not your greatest strength.  
> Storytime/rant over here's the new chapter, enjoy!

Skyhold.

It proudly stood in the mountains and shone like a beacon of hope. With the process of moving in going smoothly, it was time for everyone to catch their breaths. Refugees came flocking to the fortress, it served as the only safe place against demons and the war tearing the world apart. Families, friends and lovers reunited in this place. Though it was a bunch of tents pitched up in the courtyard, it served them well. The decrepit halls were covered in debris and thick cobwebs, it took days just to clean them out and even more days to repair them.

“The Inquisition needs a leader, the one who has already been leading it,” Cassandra explained at the top of a set of stairs where Leliana stood waiting with a majestic sword. The Seeker had just pulled Jazlynn in a conversation and walked with her with a goal in mind.

Jazlynn looked at Cassandra, thinking she was going to lead, “alright cool, I think you’d be a great leader.”

A crowd suddenly started to form around the pillar where the three women stood, feeling awkward, Jazlynn stepped out of focus.

“Actually, I think you were the one you brought this all together,” Leliana replied smoothly.

“I believe so as well, without you there wouldn’t be an Inquisition.”

“Who me?”

The two nodded.

“No no, you must be mistaken. I didn’t do much except close some rifts and make some friends. Cassandra actually started this, she founded it with that book or something. Oh! And she recruited Commander Cullen, what a guy am I right? And she, uh… well.”

“Jazlynn, enough,” the Seeker shushed, “I merely got it started, but when you took over, we found progress. Your followers know this and they respect you as their leader.”

“Okay, that’s great and all. But I was thinking, hey, maybe I should be more of a behind the scenes leader you know?”

Confused whispers floated in the air, growing louder with each passing minute that the three stood around. Intrigued, more people came to, the crowd growing and growing. Hawke watched from afar, staring at the heavy responsibility being put on her shoulders, knowing the feeling all too well.

_Alright, I guess this is my life now. Whoop-ty-do._

“We need a strong leader, one who will not hide in the shadows in fear or back down from a threat. You have proven yourself to be that kind of leader,” Cassandra spoke with certainty, offering the way to Leliana, “I don’t know what will happen after this, nor do I know how you will lead us. But I believe you are worthy.”

_When?! When did I prove myself to be any of that?! I literally had an anxiety attack over people judging me a few weeks ago! And the second one that happened during that thing where Haven was demolished! Not to mention, I’m not even supposed to be the leader! There was someone else who was meant for this position and I told them this. Do they remember that? Or just don’t care?_

_Fine, I guess I’ll do this. How bad can it get from this point right?_

“Um, sure?” she squeaked, stepping forward on shaking legs, “I mean, I’m still not entirely sure that the people will actually follow me but whatever…”  

The weapon held up by the red-headed bard, had a dragon made of a shining black metal twisting around the pommel. Jazlynn picked it up and felt how it was heavy, just like the weight being put on her shoulders. She turned and walked to the edge of the pillar, the hushed conversations were silenced as they all turned their attention to her. She took a deep breath, organized her thoughts in a scramble to come up with an inspirational speech like the ones she’d seen in fiction. Her heart raced with anxiety, palms sweating, legs shaking and her breathing was reduced to low panting. 

_Quick! Just say something you’ve heard of or read in a book! And no swearing!_

“We dream of a world without a hole in the sky or a war staining the hands of good people" she started just loud enough for most to hear, the crowd remained dead silent, paying attention to her words. 

In the back, stood Hawke. They made eye contact, she wordlessly asked him for advice, approval, courage, anything. His lips curled slightly in a reassuring smile, and nodded to her, telling her everything was alright and she could make it through this. 

She continued her speech, her tone growing with every word, "we dream and dream, wishing that our lives weren’t constantly at stake. Wishing we had a different life, a happier life where no one needs to fight for their life. A life where no one needs to live in fear. Well I say, we don’t let our dreams be dreams. So do it!” her voice rang loudly, echoing off the stone walls and gathering everyone's attention, “Make our dreams come true, fight for what's right! Because this damned world won’t fix itself!”

The crowd remained silent for a while before they answered loudly and enthusiastically. Cullen rallied up the people, cheering on Jazlynn, their newly named Inquisitor. He pulled out his sword and lifted it up in the air, motivating the cries of optimism. Following Cullen’s move, she rose her blade high up the sky, reflecting the sunlight. After her moving speech, she even felt herself become motivated like she could actually lead a powerful organization. 

_That didn't go too badly, I think. So... how long do I hold this up for?_

* * *

“So far, our priorities are stopping the assassination of Empress Celene and getting more information about Corypheus. That’s good we have a goal, but, I think it’s a good idea to try and find who Corypheus saw. He said that I was not meant for this, which, to be honest, I don’t completely disagree with him. Having another advisor for leadership isn’t a bad idea, what do you think?” Jazlynn admitted.

The three looked around at each, stunned at her proposal.

“Yes! I know I just declared myself the Inquisitor, leader of this whole thing,” she clarified, “I know what I just did and I do want to lead the Inquisition. It took a lot of time and working out a few things, but I know that I want to do this. It’s just that I want to make sure I can follow through and be a good leader, so having this alternate leader teaching me some stuff could be beneficial, don’t you think?”

“Well, I admire your conviction to the Inquisition, but having a second leader isn’t the most stable of plans,” Josephine worried, "we have enemies, and they would use that weakness to infiltrate and corrupt."

“Alright so no to that, nevermind…”

Cullen pondered, “I agree with Josephine, but I do think it could be helpful to recruit them as a member of the Inquisition, we need all the help we can get in these times.”

“I will do some questioning, it is not unlikely that this other person was in the same position as you. If I don’t find anything, we will have to leave it at that,” Leliana offered, “in the meantime, Corypheus is our first concern.”

Hawke’s boots resonated in the room covered in wreckage, he walked proudly straight towards the four of them.

“I might be able to help with that, I have fought him once before.”

“You did? How did I not hear about this?” Jazlynn asked.

“That was before you arrived in Kirkwall, strangely, right before, now that I think about it. Anyhow, I may have some good news.”

_Well, it’s about damn time!_

* * *

 

Jazlynn found her luxurious quarters far too extravagant for her taste. Her grand balcony overlooking the valley and snow covered mountains, the luscious red carpet beneath her feet and the abundant amount of space was ridiculous. She missed her small cabin in Haven, it was simple and cozy. It didn’t have the massive windows made of stained glass and patterns that made her head hurt. The only good thing about the room was the fireplace, with Hawke’s help, she pushed a couch to sit in front of it so she could actually enjoy the heat when she wanted to. Sometimes, she fell asleep on the couch instead of the bed and Hawke would carry her over so she wouldn’t wake up sore.

Her first tasks as Inquisitor were mostly signing some documents. Once again, she felt afraid like she was signing a piece of terms and conditions that would end with her owing someone something she couldn’t afford. But with Josephine’s instructions, paperwork became more trivial to her. Working at a desk was definitely her strong suit compared to other things, public speaking and social skills definitely needed more work.

There were the days, of course, when she felt powerless, hopeless and useless. Nightmares of failure haunted her and instead of voicing her concerns, she silenced herself, trying to keep up a good image of herself. With every negative thought, her regret grew. On those days, she made herself spend at least a few hours letting it all out, quietly and alone.

Of course, she made sure not to lock herself up forever either. The tavern was always open and welcomed her with open arms. On her way there and back, she made sure to stop by her friends and ask them about their opinions and advice on certain subjects. She gathered what kind of people they were, what they would approve or disapprove of. Her greetings and smiles were fake, practiced over and over again to be convincing. 

Days passed, results were showing, the nobles were supporting their cause and sending funds. But even though she was calm and prepared on the outside, she was terrified on the inside. However, her terror was mute this time. Instead of wailing in her mind, she drew mind blanks. She considered it an improvement, but not a good enough one.

_This shit is weird. How can I be confident one day and a mess the next? I get that everyone has bad days but they're happening more than they should. Honestly, this is getting annoying._

“You aren’t as loud anymore,” Cole stated, appearing behind Jazlynn “I don’t hear you screaming as much, but you still cry and beg for it to stop, to slow down, for someone to tell you why it’s you. Your confusion and guilt combined are too much, so you scream but no one can hear, they must not know. So you keep it all in. Why? Why wouldn’t let it out? It wants to be free.”

Jazlynn shrugged with a heartless chuckled, “I don’t know, it’s bad habit I guess? I’m sorry about that, I’ll try to keep it to whisper instead.”

“But you can’t, because in your mind there are no loud or quiet, just thoughts. You can’t keep it in forever, you must give your thoughts a voice, only then will they leave you alone.”

“I think it’s more complicated than that.”

“No, it doesn’t have to be. You should talk to people, but you’re afraid. You’re afraid of trusting others; you think that you have to do everything yourself because no one really wants to help you.”

“Wait, what are you going on about?”

“You,” Cole answered, ”you are afraid of so much. Failure, confusion, judgement, being alone, being guilty, being evil and trusting others. But you never tell anyone. I want to help, you can talk to me.”

Cole’s big blue eyes pleaded her to take his offer, which she reluctantly accepted.

_He’s a spirit, and it seems that feelings are his area of expertise. This is a good idea and just in case, I can tell him to make me forget._

At first, she told him how she felt about being in the public eye, leading the Inquisition. Then, like a snowball rolling down a hill, her talk grew and grew while she fidgeted with her USB stick in her hand. All those years and she still kept her promise, her mother would never leave her side.

At the end, she was exhausted, but she felt better.

“Thank you, for letting it out,” Cole thanked her before disappearing into the night.

_I should do that more often._

_I might still be shit at asking for help, but I can accept it now._

* * *

 

She awoke with Garrett beside her, his arm draped around her waist. She heard his snoring combined with Falcon’s who laid by the hearth.

_“Give your thoughts a voice.”_

With her arms wrapped around his chest, she snuggled closer to him. Their lives were full of danger, it was entirely possible for one of them to wake up without the other. Normally, she would quiet those thoughts, focus on the good ones and ignore the truth. But this time, she chose the path to growth.

Garrett yawned and wrapped his arms around her too. She felt safe, protected.

“I love you so much,” she whispered meaningfully, “I never want to leave this, to leave you. And I know, that there’s no way I could ever live without you.”

“That’s funny because I think the same about you,” he smiled.

Her mind was clear, for the first time in years. Even though the cloud of doubt would come back sooner or later, it didn't bother her. Because growth doesn't happen over the course of a few days. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking, hey, maybe I should take this seriously. But then I'm like, no?? Let's try to character development with a side of sarcasm??? What??? Shouldn't character development happen over the course of many chapters, not one???? 
> 
> Hey guys, please check out this dragon age meme I made a few days ago. No one is paying attention to it.  
> https://mapleintrovert.tumblr.com/post/167636624311/part-two-of-the-series-im-going-to-call-things


	14. Alright, After a Bunch of Shit Happens, I Get Productive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the fuck is up? Surprisingly, words fly when you're writing about dogs. Lifehack, if you're struggling to meet the word count, add a dog.

“Do you have to leave?” Garret moaned, half-risen up from their shared bed.

Jazlynn continued lacing up her boots, “Yes, the Exalted Plains are waiting for me. You do want me to save the world, don’t you?”

“Why can’t you save the world tomorrow?”

She snickered, “if I followed your advice, I wouldn’t be where I am now, would I?”

“Probably not, but are you sure you want that?”

“Honestly, no, not really,” she answered immediately, “don’t tell anyone I said that. Look, all I know is that I want things to change. And when I see the Inquisition get treated like shit, it makes me mad and I want to be a good leader. The kind of boss that workers brag about having.”

“A worthy goal, but is it what you want with your life?”

  _I still don’t really know. Never really did either, now that I think about it. Would a job in economics had really made me happy? The boring but comfortable life of an accountant, would that had made me happy?_

_Was I happy when I was in Kirkwall, working for the Viscount? Sure, I guess. People loved me, I got paid well and it was easy. My job as Inquisitor is completely the opposite. People, such as nobles, kind of hate me, money is tight and I’m always stressed out. However, even with all that shit, it’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done._

“I want to be happy.”

Garrett groaned and rolled his eyes, “this isn’t getting us anywhere, is it?”

“Nope,” she smiled as she leaned in for a quick kiss goodbye.

After she left the bed, Falcon rose up and ran to her side, sensing that she was leaving. He pawed at her legs and whined.

“Aw, are you sad that I’m leaving?” she cooed, giving him a good scratch, earning a bark, “hey, Garrett, do you mind if I take him along?”

“Yes, I do mind actually. I prefer if my dog stays loyal and alive.”

“Alright, sorry boy, but mean old Garrett doesn’t want you to go with me.”

Falcon gave a whimper, lowering his ears in sadness. He turned around and gave Hawke his best begging face, knowing how it weakens his master. The desired effect took place immediately, Garrett shielded his eyes with a hairy arm, grousing in defeat.

“Fine! You can take my dog with you, but! No fighting dragons, Varric must be there and if he comes back injured in any way, you will be punished.”

“Kinky,” she smirked.

“No! Not like that!”

In joy, the dog jumped up on the bed and gave him a long grateful lick on his face. To which he cried out in protest.

“So much for trying to keep my dog to myself. First, it’s Commander Cullen, now it’s you winning over his obedience…”

“Hang on, really? What did he do?” she grinned.

“He was throwing sticks when no one was around, looking all smug at having a mabari by his side.”

“Maybe we should get another one, give them to Cullen. No! Better idea, a dog for every member of the Inquisition!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be going to the whatever Plains?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” she sighed.

She went in for one last kiss, which he returned eagerly.

“I’ll be waiting for your return, Jazlynn,” he murmured suggestively.

“Shut it you,” she blushed, “and we have to go to Crestwood together at some point. So, don’t forget about that.”

“Got it, after you come back from the somewhere Plains, we’re taking off for that shithole. Can’t wait.”

* * *

 

Jazlynn left Skyhold on her horse with optimism, motivation to go out and do things. With Varric, Cole, Blackwall, and of course Falcon, alongside her, nothing could bring her down, she chanted in her mind.

_Everything will be fine. I already know that the Exalted Plains are ravaged by war, so there’s no way it can take me by surprise. Nothing will bring me down, I have an important role now so there’s no room for being an emotional mess._

Her plan so far was to go in, see Scout Harding and decide what she had to do with the time she had. Two weeks she decided, no more. As soon as two weeks were up, she was leaving the Plains and heading for Skyhold. Her method of setting time limits worked better than staying put until everything was done. Until she had enough experience, this was her method.

Once the party reached the Inquisition camp, the dwarven scout greeted them with the sombre history of the region torn apart by senseless violence fueled by hate. Long battles stained the ground with blood mixing with the dirt. It was clear that this place needed help, and enemies would litter their path. Harding pleaded that the Inquisition brought peace to this area, it was in dire need of help.

_That was… inspiring? Not a happy one, where it’s like ‘yeah, we can do this and it’ll be fun!’. No, this ‘inspiration’ is a sadder one, one that fills you with… what’s the word? Motive? Nope, too cheery. A sense of duty? Nah, too valiant. Obligation? Yeah, that’s the one, obligation. It’s like ‘we’ll do this because it’s the right thing’._

_Oh, look at me being all cliché with my inner monologues about heroic bullshit!_

_Shut up, you have a job. An important one this time._

She opened the map, marking down her stops one by one.

“Alright, we’ll head to these ramparts here,” she pointed at stamp to the west, “then set up a proper camp for somewhere over here. Next, do the last one to the East and figure the rest out from there.”

The party nodded at her plan before following her by foot. They had all arrived on horseback but left their mounts behind seeing as they would be fighting most of the way.

And they were right.

Days flew by before they even reached their actual campsite. They had to settle with a scrappy tent and bedroll paired with a small campfire and taking turns to rest. With only Cole who could stay up all night, one other party member had to stay with him for security precautions.

“You did the right thing,” Cole stated.

Jazlynn looked up from her report, “What?”

“You put yourself on the path of learning. Before you left, you didn’t shut him out.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, could you explain a bit? How did I not shut who out?”

“Garrett,” he answered, “you told him how you felt about him.”

“I already did that before, how was it different then?”

“I don’t know, it just was.”

Love can sometimes change over time, either for better or for worse. Meaning, you may not love for the same reasons anymore, or not at all. Or your previous reasons for love get new reasons added on to it.

_How could it have been different, I just told him I loved him and I didn’t want to leave him and how I could never live without him…_

_Okay, I said some stuff that a bit heavier than three words. Why is it such a big deal?_

Falcon snored in her lap, she stroked his head lost in her mind, spacing out. 

_“You put yourself on the path of learning.”_

_So, what? Does that mean in that in x amount of time I’ll be a full-on adult who handles everything perfectly and files taxes appropriately? I better be._

* * *

 

The second Inquisition camp was set up and the party could finally get some almost proper rest. Resources were all around, Jazlynn contented herself for the moment to wander around collecting the metals and herbs.  

“Inquisitor, I've got a question if you may.”

_‘Inquisitor’ he calls me, Jazlynn is preferable! I’m a person, not an entity or whatever._

“Of course, Blackwall.”

“How does it feel to have thrown away your life?”

“Uh, well… Not much, to be honest. My life before was kind of empty, I basically signed myself up for a life of debt to pursue a career that used my talents. None of which apply to this world, might I add.”

The bearded man frowned, “why? You don’t sound like you were thrilled about it, so why did you choose such a life?”

“Not sure, where I come from, not many people have a lot of choice over their lives. They mostly go to school for at least twelve years, get a job, settle down and maybe raise some kids.”

“I see, but what do you mean by ‘not many people have a lot of choices over their lives’?”

“It’s not enforced by law, technically, but it feels like the entire world is against you when you break those rules, or so I’ve been told.”

“I think I’ve got it now, thank you.”

“Anytime, tell the rest we’re leaving in about ten minutes!”

_Now that I’m thinking about it, school was pretty big part of my life, whether I like or not. I was only around my mother for about four hours on most days, so technically, my teachers were the ones who raised me from the age of six to eighteen. It only makes sense, right? The people whom I’m around all day and they teach me things, praise me._

_Praised me for my natural aptitudes. Praised me for being obedient. Praised me for keeping my head down, keeping to myself, shy as a mouse. They praised me for mindlessly following the rules without questioning them, teaching that the law is above all because that’s what they’re paid to do whether they want to or not._

_The education system made who I am._

She stared at her hands, small scars scattered on her slimmer more calloused fingers.

_No, the education system made who I was. I will not be a puppet._


	15. What Do You Know? Dominance Gets Results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not dead.  
> This chapter was brought to you in part by the Author and her spite for writers who romanticize abuse.

“Madame Vivienne, I need your help.”

The Enchanter turned around in pleasant surprise to find the supposed high and mighty Inquisitor standing before her, with pleading eyes and a casual stance.

“Like many do, my dear, what can I help you with?”

“I’d like to be more confident and bold, you know, stuff like that. The Inquisition needs a strong leader and I’m not sure I fit that description yet.”

“Of course, and I do agree with you, however, being confident is not something I can simply teach you. You have to learn it on your own.”

 _Helpful_.

“Okay, but what can I do to… I don’t know, at least look the part?”

The woman pondered for a moment, “walk over there for me, my dear,” gesturing across the room.

“Uh there?” Jazlynn asked, pointing the same direction.

“Yes.”

She awkwardly stumbled at first, struggling to walk normally when she told herself to do so. After turning around to face Vivienne, she heavily breathed in. The lavishly dressed mage sauntered over and placed her hands on her shoulders.

“Just put these back, straighten up, hold your head up high and look straight ahead. Put on a cold but neutral expression, think of yourself as the dominant one in the room. You’re in charge and be proud of it.”

_I’m really not that proud, but I guess I can pretend._

“Now, walk with a purpose,” she commanded.

Her heels clicked against the tiles, resonating within the walls, sounding powerful and assertive. Her lips subconsciously twisted into a small smirk and her eyes were lidded.

As Vivienne returned to the centre of the room, she gave instructions, “to make a turn, do not stop abruptly. Make a smooth curve and keep your pace intact.”

She followed her instructions, nervousness dissipating.

_Yeah, that’s right. I’m the Inquisitor, leader of the freakin’ Inquisition._

“Good, well done my dear. Practice that on your own, you’ll need it for the Winter Palace. Speaking of which, you must go see Josephine or I later to learn about the correct dance routines and proper manners.”

* * *

 

The rest of the day went smoothly, Jazlynn had just finished taking care of a few war table operation, and sent scouts to set up a camp in Crestwood. On her next trip, that’s where she was going, accompanied by Hawke. She then spoke with Leliana, she asked the spymaster if there was any news about finding the alternate Inquisitor. To which she replied that she may be on a lead, but wasn’t entirely sure yet. Cullen challenged her to a game of chess, to which she lost. She helped Sera pull some pranks and Josephine later scolded her.

Now she stood on the battlements, watching Skyhold as the sun went down. Iron Bull trained his recruits in the courtyard and she paid very close attention to his leadership techniques. He shouted orders, praise and comments of what each Charger had to work on. He worded his sentences which such authority and confidence it blew her away.

_I’ve got to use some of these at some point._

Her staring became more and more obvious. To anyone passing by, it seemed like she was admiring the Iron Bull with a sense of sensuality. Of course, not many people wouldn’t. His bulging muscles glistened in the sunlight, his masculine grunts and behaviour were more than enough to seduce most women, men and anyone in between.

However, she was not fantasizing about the Qunari warrior, but anyone else who saw her would think differently.

Such as a certain warrior with a signature red streak across his nose.

Garrett was, in fact, looking for Jazlynn, when he found her on the battlements he decided to surprise her from behind. He snuck closer and noticed that focusing on something, or rather someone. He got closer, the pillar moved out of the way and he could see exactly who had taken her attention. Jealousy flared up inside him, he didn’t know what to think. Was she lusting after the Iron Bull? What else could her staring at his robust form mean? Did they flirt in the past when he wasn’t there? How dare she- No, this was absurd. He trusted her to remain loyal to his side, there was no need or point to place restrictions on her.

Her brows furrowed in scrutiny to what the Iron Bull told the Chargers, analyzing how he said everything. Out of concentration, she nibbled on her lip.

That was it for the Champion, his fury broke through demanding that he go get some answers. He glared at the warrior down below who swung his axe back and forth as he cleared his throat to get Jazlynn’s attention.

“Oh, hey there,” she smiled warmly, “you were too impatient to wait for my return tonight?” she winked.

“I saw you.”

“Saw me…? Saw me what? What did I do?”

“You were admiring the Iron Bull,” he circled around her predatorily.

“I was?”

“I noticed your lusty eyes watching him, you biting your lip in desire.”

“What? You must be confused-“

He cornered her against the stones, his hands firmly placed on the railing, “Tell me the truth: are you attracted to the Iron Bull?”

His amber eyes glowered into her, his merciless demeanour surprised her. Not necessarily a bad surprise, but a surprise.

“No, I am not.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered lowly.

A shiver ran down her spine, oddly, an aroused shiver that is.

“Yes.”

“Good. Finish up whatever business you have left and come to the room, I will be waiting for you.”

Where did this side of Hawke come from? And why was she turned on?

_What was that about? Why was he so dominant? Exactly like how I should be at the Winter Palace._

She turned and looked at the Iron Bull, and only noticed why there were servant girls watching him. It began clear how undeniably attractive the Qunari was under the sunset lighting.

_He must have thought I was dreamily thinking of him or something. So that means Garrett was… jealous?_

She grinned at the thought.

_Oh, this’ll be good. I know just what to do. But, I’ll make him wait._

* * *

 

_Shoulders back, straighten up and cold expression. Let’s see how well Vivienne’s techniques work._

As her boots met the ground, she made sure to make her presence known to the man inside her quarters. The room was only illuminated by the fire in the hearth which crackled and snapped at the wood. Falcon was given a proper washing at his arrival, the dog was now clean and resting by the fire sound asleep. Garrett was stood waiting for her as soon as turned to walk in the room. Dressed in only a pair of tight trousers and a loose linen shirt, open at the top, he took his full height to tower over her. When he met her equally powerful glare, his softened in surprise. Was she mad at him?

“Hawke?”

“Yes?”

Jazlynn crossed her arms and looked directly into his eyes, “did you think I wanted to have sex with the Iron Bull?”

Her demanding gaze forced the truth out of him, “yes.”

“Were you jealous of the Iron Bull?”

“Yes.”

“Do you trust me to stay on your side without cheating on you?”

“Yes, I-“

“That’s enough,” she cut him off, “I understand what you were concerned about. But I can assure you that only person I’ve thought of like that, is you. There is no need for such behaviour,” Jazlynn answered truthfully.

“I trust you, but-“

“But what?” she asked softly, “you can tell me anything you’d like.”

“I love you so much, it’s hard for me to believe that you love me as much as I love you. It just seems, natural for you to get bored of me and leave me. I’ve never stayed with anyone for this long, I don’t know what to do. Maker, I don’t know-”

_I can’t break down in tears, this is practice for later._

Jazlynn snaked her hand towards his, lacing their fingers together, “It’s okay, I understand what you’re saying. Like I’ve said many times before, I feel the same way. You’ve never had a long-term commitment, I’ve never had a relationship. We’re both learning things, together.”

He tightly wound his arms around her, nuzzling the crook of her neck.

“Maker, you- what did I do to deserve you? I spent the last few days worrying about you like a madman and as soon as you come back I get jealous over nothing, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, it was just a misunderstanding and we resolved it,” she faced him once again, “do you have any remaining concerns that you want to tell me?”

“No, none that I haven’t already told you,” he referenced the possibility of her dying.

“Good.”

She trailing her hands up his chest, fingers pressing down, they met his neck and she pulled him down. Her light pecks grew faster, heavier and longer as she gave him nudge back. He followed suit as she guided him where to go. His knees hit the back of the bed, she pushed him down and climbed over him, sitting in his lap.

“We’ve been like this before, haven’t we?” he asked.

“We have, but it’s different this time.”

He chuckled, “how so?”

She leaned in to whisper in his ear, rubbing against the tent in his trousers, “Well, we've got places to go to tomorrow, things to do, people to meet."

"Right, I'd like to focus on now, if it's alright with you."

"I mean, really? But we could discuss strategies! There are better ways to use our precious time, why waste it?"

"Jazlynn," he grumbled.

She grinned back, "yes?"

"You are killing the mood."

"Alright, fine, we can go back to smooching if you want."

Her nimble fingers unbuttoned her top and threw it away, her breastband followed suit. Garrett removed his own shirt as well, eager to please and get on with it. Her chest came into view, as did the rest of her upper half. Garrett's expression turned from delight to slight worry, there were scars littering her body that weren't there the last time. Her eyes had changed colour, the once calming green now ate away at the gentle blue, the colour was almost completely unnatural green. He brought her closer in an embrace, one hand down around her waist and the other caressed her shoulders. She rocked against him, creating sweet friction and earning a groan from the man beneath her in between the kisses he placed on her neck. His lips travelled to the nape and further down to her collarbone. She hummed appreciatively, she remembered how warm he made her feel when he did that. 

The hand around her hips caught her waistband before easing them down her thighs, underwear going with it. Taking charge, she sat up to pull them all way off and threw them away with the rest of her clothing. Meanwhile, Garrett fiddled with the laces on his trousers, getting them undone so he could pull them off.

"All ready?" she asked wittily with a grin.

"I am if you are," he replied.

Jazlynn crawled on the bed towards him, her warm hands gave his cock a few pumps before she gave it a long lick to the underside. Garrett gently bit the back of his hand to keep himself from crying out, but when she sucked on the head a muffled moan broke through as his hips bucked. Eye contact was the thing that got them going, both mischevious and aroused. She left his member to wander upwards with quick pecks, scattering them over his abdomen and chest. 

"You don't have to hide the noise you make, no one can hear us from up here," she whispered. 

"It's a, uh, habit."

"Is it?" she asked while her hand went back down to give his cock a good strong stroke.

He gasped in pleasure, without the restraint he put on himself. 

"There you go," she praised, "I love it when you do that."

Garrett pulled her head to passionately kiss her long and hard. As they parted for breath, he flipped them over with her legs sprawled out.

"Your turn."

* * *

 

The next morning was the day they were leaving Skyhold for Crestwood. Jazlynn was faced with the decision of who was she going to bring with her. Falcon and Hawke were coming, of course, but who else? She'd already taken Varric so many times and she wanted to spend time with others. 

_Sera! I'll bring Sera, she's fun. So now I should bring a mage, because of strategies or whatever. So, Dorian, I guess._

_One more, and a warrior too._

A sly grin spread across her face as she contemplated her options, one, in particular, was interesting simply because it annoyed someone else.

_I know, I'll bring Iron Bull. Just to get Hawke rilled up._

She called her party members and took off, with Hawke glaring disappointedly at her. 

look, an art. This is Jazlynn looking at either the breach or a rift. Hense why there's so much freaking green. High-key inspired by the new video on Lady Red's YouTube chanel, I highly recommend checking it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're a coward you couldn't write smut, clap your hands! *clap clap* If you're a writer who rewrote the same scene three times because of crippling self-doubt, clap your hands! *clap clap* If you're a writer doesn't know what the fuck they're doing but tries their best anyway, clap your hands! *clap clap* (@the subscriber I lost, I'm sorry what did I do???? ;_;)


	16. Look at me! Doing things!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is brought to you in part by my terrible decision to drink coffee at 5 pm. Let's go!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, what's up?   
> So yeah, here's an update that a million years late, sorry? But in my defence (I'm lazy), this month is crazy because of holidays (I like sleeping) and other stuff (I'm addicted to vine compilations). So here's a little something to keep you guys busy! (I'm high on caffeine, enjoy my brain diarrhea)

Jazlynn sat alone on the rocks overlooking the village of Crestwood, Hawke and Falcon had gone ahead to the cave to wait for her until she came to meet the Warden Alistair. In the night sky, the rain trickled down, gently falling against her head. Her thick cloak, covering her head and shoulders as it cascaded down her back, protecting her from being soaked. Her eyes emptily stared ahead, lost deep in thought as she twiddled her USB between her fingers. A dull ache filled her heart as she remembered her mother, fondly thinking of the things she taught her.

_“Remember kid, the last thing you need in life is a man’s approval. Don’t let anyone brainwash you into changing yourself for nothing.”_

She grinned at her mother’s advice as she watched the rainfall. The air was pleasant, the scent of wet grass and the crickets singing aloud.

Behind her, her companions stirred up a stew whilst arguing and bantering. The Iron Bull told Dorian dirty jokes to which Sera snickered loudly. The mage groaned and ignored the goading to scold Sera who wasn’t watching the pot when the sludgy substance started burning.

“It’s not burnt, its Cajun style…” Jazlynn mumbled to herself, quoting her mother.

“What was that?” Sera asked her.

Jazlynn turned in confusion, “who, me?”

“Yeah you,” the elf replied, “I hear things with my big elfy ears. What you say about my cooking?”

She chuckled a bit before answering in a tone of nostalgia, “I just remembered something kinda funny that my mom used to say all the time when she burned something.”

“Which is what?” Sera impatiently prodded on.

“ _It’s not burnt, its Cajun style!_ I know, it doesn’t make a lot of sense but just hear me out okay?”

Jazlynn proceeded to shove the memory stick in her pocket and approached the centre of camp to tell stories from her childhood.

“So my mom isn’t the greatest cook. She over-seasoned food all the time! Which mean, no matter what I’m eating, it’s spicy, right? So yeah, on top of over-seasoning food, my mom didn’t do the best food at regulating the heat or even paying attention to the pot. She’ll just start grilling at the highest temperature, which makes food burn because it’s hot and stuff. So I’ll be like, ‘hey mom, the food is burning.” And she’ll be like ‘’Oh shit! I mean, no it’s not, it’s just Cajun style.’ And repeat that, every day, except for Tuesdays because we go out and get tacos on Tuesdays.”

Her companions looked at each other, wondering what the hell she was talking about and why the words fell from her mouth so quickly.

“Right,” they nodded, “Do you have any other stories? Some that make more sense?”

“Yes! I do! So picture this: my mom and I are out camping, looking at stars,” Jazlynn excitedly began telling a different story about her camping trip that ended with a suburban mother angrily chasing them and there was still a half a bag of marshmallows left.  

Later that night and with a full stomach, Jazlynn went to bed in her tent shared with Sera. Unable to find sleep, she found herself holding her token above head and staring up at it. She felt the smooth plastic part, followed by cool metal. The elf beside snored the night shift away, while Jazlynn barely managed to rest. 

* * *

 

The rift in the lake at Crestwood sent green fumes emitting from the water. They rose up the air and danced around, free like the northern lights. They stood at the edge of the bank, pondering their options for getting there while corpses laid beside them, dead. More would be coming, they’d have to think fast.

“How do we get to the middle of a damn lake with the dead chasing us?” Iron Bull scowled.

“Pretty sure I could whip something up with magic to help with the corpses,” Dorian offered.

Sera groused, “Ugh! Please don’t!”

“Well, boss? What’s the plan?”

...

“Let’s drain the lake, come on there’s a dam over there.”

“Really? That seems rather redundant,” Dorian questioned.

“There’s a fishing village behind us. Fishing. Boats. They have boats, we can borrow one,” the elf suggested.

Jazlynn took the lead, “Yeah well, someone decided I’m in charge so let’s drain this lake because we’re extra.”

The three followed her to Caer Bronach with begrudge mixed with amusement, to fight through bandits and reclaim the keep.

Long, hard days were ahead of them. They spent hours trekking through mud filled with bones, fighting off wraiths that occupied their path to the cave where they could access the rift underground. Once they got to the caves, more sludge filled their boots and spiders greeted them menacingly. They were all tired and so very much done with this quest already. Why couldn’t they have waited for the ground to dry?

But, at the end of the day, they had a job to do and they did it. In doing so, they boosted their reputation which made nobles help them.

_Anything for the good of the Inquisition and for the good of the world, right?_

The sun was setting, requisition officers carried their orders around the camp, readying them for delivery to Skyhold. Jazlynn tried to avoid them and clearly failed when one found her and gave her all the new offers. Iron Bull sharpened his axe with the weapons master paying close attention.

“Isn’t it weird how as soon as we closed the rift, the sky cleared up?”

“Boss, everything that happens to you is weird. Ten silvers say that by the end of the day, we’ll find something weirder.”

“I’m not sure I want to take that bet.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

* * *

 

Hawke stood by a cave, waiting for them. The famed Grey Warden, Alistair was inside researching something. The party arrived at the location and followed the Champion inside to meet the Warden. Jazlynn stepped into the light right after Hawke, she admired the scenery and all the work laid out on various surfaces. The Warden turned to see his visitors, he first recognized Hawke and when he saw the girl behind him, he pushed a sigh of relief.

“So you’re the famed Inquisitor who’s just out of this world?” he grinned.

Jazlynn groaned, “Can I leave or?”

“Sorry, sorry! I’ve been waiting to use that one. Anyway, you’re here to find out about the Wardens going missing, aren’t you?”  

“Yes, that’s me. What can you tell me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone: writers are very serious, don't make your entire fic one long joke.  
> Me: How about I do anyway?


	17. I'm Doing Things and Feeling Relaxed About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: A Bunch of Little Things Happen, or The Skippable Chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Back again. 
> 
> Yeah, it's a-me, the author. I promise I'm not giving up on this work, I have so much I want to write and the inspiration is abundant. But I just don't have the time/energy to write. :( I'm finally on Winter break though!! Unfortunately, with all the "free time" I have, I gotta use whatever hours I can scrape up in between spending time with family and doing homework to go to my coop. Unpaid coop, might I add. So yeah, this year is just going swimmingly. 
> 
> I hope everyone has a nice time this year and shoutout to anyone who also has work during the festive season!!

A gentle wind chilled Jazlynn’s cheeks as she stared up at the clear night sky, stars shining brightly. Dressed in only her nightshirt, she stood on the balcony of her quarters in Skyhold. It was beautifully calm. Hawke stepped into their shared room and found her where she was, he approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her waist. She hummed and leaned back into his warm hold.

“Looking at stars?” he asked, in between peppering kisses on her neck.

“Yeah, they’re fascinating. I used to study these, back where I came from,” she sighed, “there was once a time where I genuinely thought I would spend my life working with them, guess not anymore, huh?”

“Do you still want that?”

_A math major aspiring to be a rocket scientist? That doesn’t sound nearly as cool as Inquisitor._

She squinted, “no, not anymore. It’s more just interesting to think of what might have been then to wish it was a reality.”

“That’s good to hear, I’m proud of you for overcoming this obstacle,” he praised.

A chuckle escaped her lips, “I’m not sure I’m fully over it.”

“A little bit of improvement is better than no improvement.”

A comfortable silence fell between them as they softly swayed back and forth while gazing up at the night sky. The constellations were none that she’s ever seen before; proof that Earth was a long way away.

_I wonder if some of the stars I can see are the same one's mom can see…_

* * *

 

Pascaline Laliberté scowled as she looked up at the smog-filled sky, the grey covered up the stars that would’ve illuminated the night. The woman was also stood on her balcony, this one made of poorer quality than the one in Jazlynn’s castle. The handrail had some pots hanging off the rusty metal, said pots held dead plants, the leaves were dry to the touch and had gone ash-white. Carbon emissions filled the air, the toxins entered Pascaline’s lungs. Dressed in cargo pants that loosely clung to her waist and a worn black tee, she sat on the plastic chair and tapped her fingernails against the armrest. Down below, the taxis dropped off the drunkards who’d gone out to party the night away.

The poor souls had much to forget in these tiring days.  

“Hey, Pascaline!” called a voice from inside.

The mother turned away from the polluted area, “yeah?”

“We’ve got some news you might want to know,” they announced.

Pascaline nodded her head as she stepped back into the dim room. The messenger was dressed in the same attire as Pascaline, only they had shorter and brighter hair. The apartment in which she was a resident, was cheap. The small kitchen was filled with unwashed dishes, the fridge was nearly empty and half the cupboards were damaged and needed replacing. On a broken chair in the dining room, was a rifle.

Recent events hardened the grieving woman.

No matter what happens, time goes on. The Earth keeps rotating around the sun, and the sun keeps going around in the Milky Way. With every day that goes by, this small, insignificant speck of a planet gets closer and closer to inevitable doom. With that being said, who cares what happens until then?

“We’ve had enough of this shit,” Pascaline cursed, “we take our lives into our own hands.”

Her hands that now bore the beginning of wrinkles, brought a knife down unto to the map on the table.

“Tell everyone we’re heading out.”

* * *

 

The mornings in Skyhold were organized, busy, but organized. Servants buzzed around, running through their chores. Nobles slowly began to gather in the main hall, chattering endlessly as they ignored the maids. Jazlynn strolled down with a confident grin on her face, admiring the establishment that emerged with her leadership.

“Inquisitor!” called a runner.

Jazlynn gave them her attention, “yes, what is it?”

“Leliana wishes to speak with you.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, she keeps information confidential.”

_I should have expected that._

“Okay, I’ll head over. Thank you.”

The runner nodded before they took off to deliver another message.

Leliana was waiting in her tower, her ravens fluttered about, adding to the flair of mystery. The redhead scribbled away on a piece of parchment before she attached it to the talon of one of her black-feathered birds who obediently stood on the railing. After she was done, the clever bird flew out of the window and took its course for whatever destination appointed.

“Ah, it’s good to see that you are here.”

“Well, I do like having my presence appreciated,” Jazlynn smiled, “what’s up?”

“I have some news about that person Corypheus may have watched, the one you who wanted me to find. She was hard to track down, whoever she is, she’s no amateur when it comes to hiding. My scouts have only been able to catch glimpses of her, all I can tell you is that she’s a Qunari and a mage.”

“Alright, do you think she might be Ben-Hassrath? Like the Iron Bull?”

“It’s possible, but I can’t confirm anything other than what I’ve told you. The last place she was seen was in the Hinterlands, though I can’t say for sure that you’ll find her there.”

“Can you tell me what she was doing in the Hinterlands?”

“She may have been hunting Templars, we’ve found numerous dead in her trail. But there doesn’t seem to be any affiliation with the rebel mages, perhaps she was simply defending herself.”

“Do the people have anything to say about her?”

“Unfortunately, most don’t believe she exists.”

“Okay, still the information you found is great, thank you Leliana.”

Jazlynn waved the spymaster goodbye as she sprinted down the stairs, her goal set on speaking to the Iron Bull. She quickly waved a friendly hello to Dorian as she ran by. Just as she made to the bottom of the stairwell, Solas flagged her down.

“Inquisitor, do you have a minute?”

“Um, yeah sure.”

“Good,” he guided her to his desk, “I’ve been studying the shards you’ve collected.”

The elf told her about their magical properties and marked down the location for the Forbidden Oasis. She finished the discussion and went back to her mission of talking to the Iron Bull.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything helpful.

The Ben-Hassrath keep a lot of secrets and they don’t all know each other.

“Perfect, I guess…” she grumbled to herself while wandering the ramparts.

The day had already flown by, the sun was setting, shining orange over the mountains. Tomorrow she would be leaving again, this time to the Hinterlands, again. She had some hope she could catch the Qunari mage and recruit her as a member of the Inquisition. But hope is all she has, for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I asked you guys "which one of my ocs should I add?", the vote ended with a tie. That means I can do whatever I want right?
> 
> @readers who wanted the modern day oc, ;) do your homework ;) they're a secret ;) for now ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly some good, wholesome times in the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news, I don't have (unpaid)work today! Bad news, it's because I'm ill! For real guys, I slept for about 14 hours out 24. And forgot to eat food, small detail. That's a thing I never thought I'd experience. I wasn't hungry or anything, in my somewhat conscious state, I kinda just curled up under my duvet and felt like a steaming pile of shit. 
> 
> Yayyyy...

The horses were saddled, Jazlynn mounted hers before waving goodbye to the people of Skyhold with her companions Cassandra, Solas, and Sera beside her. From high in the ramparts, Hawke and Falcon waved them goodbye with a nagging worry. He watched her leave and prayed to the Maker that she make it back alive. Of course, she had people with her, but there it was no walk in the park to face danger every day. In such a short amount of time, Jazlynn became the leader of an upcoming and powerful organization. Many people wanted her dead for that.

So he stood and watched, helpless.

“Well, she’s grown, hasn’t she?” he asked his trusty mabari.

The dog whined in reply.

“What was the first thing she said to me when we first met?”

Falcon barked, tail wagging.

“Right! ‘ _F_ _ive more minutes’_ ,” he laughed, “Then she asked me, ‘ _what the bloody shit is going on?’_ ”

He burst out laughing, seeing as just that morning, she had gotten up at the crack of dawn.

“I am glad for her, she seems to be doing well. One day, she might not need me anymore.”

His look turned solemn, he swallowed his pride and did nothing. Not that there was anything he could do. He could not take the mark from her hand and he could not take her place as Inquisitor without raising concern. Most of the nobles still didn’t like her anyway, after all, what kind of otherworlder would risk their life for a world that isn’t theirs? They scoffed when asked for money and ridiculed the ones who followed her. However, for all their disbelief, the Inquisition grew and with its growth, they gained a reputation. The common folk knew good things about the Inquisition and their voices can sometimes persuade the nobility. Emphasis on sometimes, nobles will be nobles. Though nobles should be held accountable for their actions.

“Hawke,” Varric’s voice broke him from his thoughts, “I’ve got a letter for you, it’s from Bethany.”

Falcon recognized the name and perked up. The sweet mage loved the mabari to death; when they first moved to Kirkwall, she took him out for walks gave him treats every time she could. Leandra scolded her daughter, saying she was spoiling him.

“Thank you Varric,” the Champion answered.

The dwarf nodded and left Garrett alone with this letter.

_Brother,_

_I don’t know if this will reach you, but I sure hope it does. We haven’t talked much since Kirkwall, makes sense I suppose, I’ve been running for my life and you’ve been busy. Have you ever thought about how this may have gone differently? What if you’d taken me with you in the Deep Roads? I might've been able to escape the Templars and perhaps my fate would have better. I think about this every time Templars ambush our camps or attack us._

_I think that’s enough of that, I don’t blame you for my fate, it’s simply interesting to think about what might have been._

Garrett laughed, “Like you and Sebastian?”

_Have you heard from mother recently? Last I’ve heard, she’s made her approval of the Inquisition very public. She takes every opportunity she can to push the nobles into supporting them. I’m a little worried about it, what if she gets in trouble? Aveline is a great guard-captain, there’s no doubt about it, but there are a lot of people who don’t like the Inquisition. After what happened with Quentin, we can’t be too sure._

_Send my regards to Jazlynn, tell her that the Inquisition’s influence has reached the Free Marches._

_-Bethany_

“She’s worried about mother? I better do something.”

After sending a letter to Aveline expressing his concern for his mother’s safety, Hawke went to the Inquisition’s ambassador, Josephine Montilyet. He urged that precautions must be taken to protect the Inquisition’s allies from assassination. However, until their Inquisitor’s return, there wasn’t a course of action to protect Leandra Amell Hawke.

* * *

 

_I’m still not entirely qualified for this job. But at least, I can play pretend and convince everyone else. I just hope my stability will last._

Jazlynn tended to the fire in camp, surrounded by the trees and the tents in the dark. Sera was beside her, sharpening an arrow. The elf had insisted on coming along to the Hinterlands, for the chance to see the Qunari woman in person. She was practically bouncing with excitement since the beginning of the trip.

 _“So Bull, what are your women like?”_ Sera once asked the Iron Bull.

His answer made her grin, and now she grinned again.

“What do you think she’ll be like?” the elf asked Jazlynn.

“Who? The Qunari mage we’re trying to find?”

“Yeah her, Bull said that his women were also big like him, do you think she’ll be well-fit and all phwoar?”

Jazlynn laughed, “I’m not sure what you mean by _‘phwoar’_ , but she’ll probably be cool and well-built. Hang on, she’s a mage, doesn’t that bother you?”

“As long as she can control it, besides the Qun have loads of rules or whatever with magic. She’ll be great, yeah?”

“If we even find her, Leliana said that she was a pro at hiding and roasting the Templars who chased her.”

“Ugh, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“Oh relax! If she tries to barbecue us, Cassandra will protect everyone, and by that I mean: mostly you, and then we kill her!”

“Right, right, let’s just do whatever.”

* * *

 

The dead Templars still had smoke coming from their burning wounds by the time the Qunari mage was leaving. She had gathered the important loot and stuffed them in her small pouches on her belt. On top of a hill, she made herself a small campsite hidden deep in a mess of branches of leaves they called the woods. From the height, she could spy on anyone who might be looking for her. From a young age, she spent all her nights sleeping with one eye open, no one was sneaking up on her.

The small woodland animals had taken a liking to the mage with pitch black hair, braided and bunched into a bun. Especially, the fennecs who would snuggle against her while she munched on berries and stolen bread.

“Hm? You want some?” she asked one.

The furry creature chirped in response, earning a few berries.

“Don’t eat too fast, or you’ll make yourself sick,” she warned.

Her eyes, a warm and relaxing dark brown watched the horizon. Her pointed ears were trained to hear every sounds around her. At all times, she was scanning her surroundings and preparing for an attack. A loud crunch of a leaf, a gasp, the movement of leather and a crow flapping its wings did not go unnoticed. High up on a branch, was someone spying on her. She stealthily reached for staff, making sure to keep eating as if nothing was wrong. The elven scout relaxed while he was taking notes on the mage’s appearance. Her skin was copper brown, the robes she wore were dark in colour and fit nicely against her form. She had a massive leather belt which held several matching pouches. As part of her armour, she had a hooded cloak made from the fur of a bear.

One wrong move was all it took.

The scout turned his attention from watching the mage to scribble up notes of her description and from the corner of her eye, she saw the opportunity to take him out.

Her nimble fingers grabbed her staff tightly and in a split second she took a fighting stance and cast a spell, sending the scout reeling back. The scout fell from the tree, the staff slammed against the ground, casting a barrier to reduce damage from his fall.

Stunned, the elf laid on the ground as the Qunari marched towards him. With a closer range, he could make out facial features. Her big nose, tall and proud, stood out the most against her features. Her lips were full and glossed. On the right side of her face under her jawline, was a large and gashing scar. The softness in her eyes was sharpened down to a harsh glare.

“Who are you and why are spying on me?” she demanded.

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you,” he stuttered, “I’ve been sworn to secrecy.”

She rose an eyebrow and threateningly pointed the blade of her staff against his throat, “Really? What about now?”

“Okay, I’ll tell you what you want to know! Just don’t kill me, please, I want to see the end of this.”

“Good.”

Satisfied, the mage pulled her staff away from the elf’s neck.

“I’m a scout for the Inquisition. My mission is, or was, to spy on you and get enough details about you so the Inquisitor can find you.”

Her nose turned up, “Why does the Inquisitor want to know me?”

“Er… I don’t know. But she’s a good person, I swear! She helps people, people like you.”

The scout glanced at the wooden staff, sending the message that Jazlynn helped the mages in a time of need.

“People like me, huh? Does her ‘ _help_ ’ involve working for her?”

“It does, sometimes. But she doesn’t force anyone into doing her bidding. Well, there’s the prisoners but they’ve already chosen their fate.”

“Alright, scout. I’ll let you go on one condition: that you never speak of what just happened. I’ll decide for myself if I want to join the Inquisition.”

On one swift turn of the heel, the Adaar turned away from the scout and walked away. She gathered what little possessions she had in her makeshift camp and left. No one was telling her what to do, not anymore.

* * *

 

The lead given by Leliana seemed to be a dead end. All they could see was the wreckage left behind from the mage’s fury. They found a small campsite, where the fire has long been out and the occupier left a handful of berries behind. Two fennecs fed on those small fruits, indicating the intention behind the gesture.

“Strange that the mage would be so merciless to the Templars but show such kindness for the wildlife,” Cassandra commented.

“Is it truly so bizarre that perhaps the Templar’s methods are cruel?” Solas retorted.

“I suppose an _apostate_ would have a difficult time showing grace to a Templar.”

“A _difficult time_ indeed.”

Jazlynn searched the area but found no clues pointing to the mage’s location or identity and all the good loot was already taken. Their search ended poorly.

“Hey everyone look over here, I’ve found something!” Sera called.

Or maybe it didn’t.

“What is it Sera?” Jazlynn asked, eager to know what she’d found.

“It’s a butt print, there in the dirt!” she snickered.

Alright, maybe it did end poorly after all.

“Ugh,” Cassandra groaned, “let us know when you find something of value.”

“It is of value!” Sera argued.

“It is not.”

“I must agree with Cassandra on this one,” Solas chimed in.

“Alright, well, I think we should move on. The map shows that there’s something important nearby.”

The party left the campsite, following the trail for Winterwatch Tower. Hidden in the obscurity of the shadows, was the very person they were trying to find.

“Interesting, they’re not exactly professionals but they demonstrate some form power and knowledge,” she mumbled.

The fennec beside her rubbed its face against her thigh.

“What do you think? Should I join them?”

The creature stretched its little body, the poufy tail curling up before running out after the party.

“I think you’re right, I’ll keep investigating them, to see if it’s safe for me.”

* * *

 

Empty-handed, the party returned to Skyhold, still followed by the Qunari.

“Disappointed?” Jazlynn asked Sera.

“I mean, we didn’t find her, but we also didn’t get into weird shit like you always do,” she shrugged, “Not so bad, yeah?”

“Not so bad indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I've ever talked about this but, I don't read a whole lot?? Like ever??? When I was smol child, I read a fuck ton of books and all of them were in French. For some reason, I had this seething hatred for English and adamantly refused to read anything if it wasn't in French. But I didn't have a problem speaking it?? I??? What?????
> 
> Anywhoozies, back to my point about not reading. I feel like writers are supposed to be bookworms throughout their life, so they pick up grammar, sentence structure, metaphors and feed their imagination. But I don't?? My grammar and spelling is actually pretty shit (sorry m. Jeremy), so I use grammar checkers and almost never proofread. But writers?? I met an author this one time at a career fair, and he was talking about how easy and natural grammar was for him. So my little brain kinda just went "All writers are like this." But, is that really true? I mean, proper conjugation won't tell a story any better, right? It's just something that helps them or something. 
> 
> I'm getting off track (again), my fever brain doesn't want me to keep one consecutive thought. Has that ever happened to you? Like you start talking about something because you want to say one thing, but tangents happen and you end up not talking about the core thing you wanted to talk about? That's me. 
> 
> The advice of the chapter: Don't forget to drink water, hydration is very important kids.


	19. Just... Don't Burn Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New character Y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo, guess who's back?  
> This chapter is brought to you in part by: Useless Lesbians

“We’re under attack! Sound the alarm!”

Bells all around Skyhold rang loudly through the night. Soldiers cried in pain as they were burned by the enemy. Jazlynn bolted right out of bed, grabbed her daggers and rushed to the gates for the commotion came from. Garrett and Falcon in pursuit. Cullen met her in the hallway, he looked frazzled and worried.                                                        

“Inquisitor! You’re here, there’s trouble outside,” he reported.

“I noticed. What happened?”

“I’m not sure yet, I’ll question my men when I get the chance. For now, we deal with this.”

She nodded in understanding and gripped her weapons in preparation for a fight.

What happened was that there was a hooded silhouette on the bridge in the dead of night, calmly walking to the structure. A guard spotted the figure and shouted a demand to know their identity but received no answer. The guard shouted again.

“I wish to speak with the Inquisitor, bring her to me,” answered an unknown voice.

“Whoever wishes to make an appointment with the Inquisitor must send a letter to ambassador Montilyet. Now show yourself or leave this place.”

“No. I am not leaving until I receive a private audience with the Inquisitor.”

The figure continued approaching the gates, with a staff attached to their back.

“Halt! Do not make a move or we will be forced to attack,” shouted the guard.

“Do not attack me! I wish no harm to your people now open these gates or I will use my magic!”

The staff was unsheathed, prepared to blast the gates open. Soldiers gathered near with their swords and shields while archers up in the ramparts attempted to slow her down with a rain of arrows. The gates held little to no resistance against the stranger’s magic. Splinters and bolts went flying everywhere. Through the cloud of dust, walked the mage responsible.

“It is not my intention to hurt anyone here, please understand what I'm saying and do the right thing.”

The pleading was ignored and the captain charged forward, earning a spell that knocked him off his feet. The rest ganged up against the hooded figure with cries of fury before suffering in firestorm called up against them. The commander of the troops was well aware of the chaos, he burst out of his stuffy office and peered down to see fighting. He needed the Inquisitor’s help for this.

Meanwhile, one of Leliana’s ravens just came through holding an important message. It was from one of the scouts posted Skyhold, saying that the Qunari mage was spotted and that she was approaching the fortress. It was certain that the soldiers were fighting her. She had to get to the Inquisitor to stop this.

Jazlynn ran down the steps with Cullen behind her just as Leliana came into the main hall. She cursed and quickened her pace, desperate to make it in time.

“Inquisitor! Thank the Maker you’ve arrived!” cried an injured soldier.

“That’s her?” mumbled the Qunari mage.

“Yeah, I’m here. Kind of hard to sleep when there’s an attack in my courtyard,” she grumbled in response, “You there! Who are you and why are you attacking my soldiers?”

She ceased her spells to remove her hood to show her horns, piercing gaze and pouty lips. The guards lowered their weapons to Cullen’s silent order. Hawke and his mabari, watched from the top of the hill while Leliana made her way down the steps to join the Inquisitor.

“My name is Sanera Adaar, and I wish to join the Inquisition.”

Confused silence fell.

Jazlynn narrowed her eyebrows, “then… why did you attack?”

“Well, to be honest, they attack me first so it was really just self-defence,” Sanera defended.

“Bullshit!” spat the captain, “she blew the gates up!"

“You wouldn’t open them! Even after I asked you to and specifically said that I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

Leliana came up behind Jazlynn, “Inquisitor, I must inform you that she is the one we were searching for.”

The captain and the Qunari argued some more before Jazlynn yelled at them to shut up.

“Cullen!” she shouted.

“Yes?” he answered immediately.

“Put up a different protocol for dealing with unknown visitors. It was completely out of line to attack her, what if she needed help? What if she had a child with her? This is a peaceful organization and I will not stand for senseless violence!”

“But Inquisitor, she could’ve been a threat. After the battle at Haven, we can’t be too safe.”

“That’s why we have scouts, Commander. I understand your concern but killing someone because they’re suspicious is no excuse for murder.”

“Inquisitor please, there are people who would lie and cheat that system to get in just so they could go on a rampage. Are you asking me to take down the necessary precautions to make sure that doesn’t happen?”

Jazlynn looked at him directly in the eye, “No, I am not asking you to do that, _Commander_. I’m asking you to make sure this doesn’t happen again by teaching your men to think with their heads and not their swords. What they could’ve done was let her in and question her, all while remaining on guard for anything actually dangerous.”

“I-… of course, Inquisitor. I will see that it is done.”

“Thank you for your word, and you!” she gestured to the mage.

“Yes?”

“If you still want to join the Inquisition, I will personally welcome you here.”

“Thank you, this place needs work but I’ll be happy to help your cause. From what I’ve heard and seen, it’s the only thing standing against that green hole in the sky.”

“Perfect, now I want you to learn some damned patience! You made a stupid and rash set of decisions you’ve made that could’ve gotten you killed.”

“I had it under control.”

“Right, whatever. Leliana, find her a place to sleep. I’m going back to my quarters.”

“Of course, follow me,” she gestured to Sarena.

“Wait! I have a question!” she called to Jazlynn who was already at the foot of the stairs.

She sighed, “What’s up?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have any Ben-Hassrath with you?” she nervously asked.

“Uh… Yeah, we do, he’s one of my companions. Is that a problem?”

She paused, “It might be…”

“What do you mean ‘it might be’?”

“It’s a long story, don’t worry about it for now. I’ll tell you about it at a later date.”

Jazlynn pursed her lips in annoyance, she knew something was wrong but it was not the place nor the time go further.

“Alright then…”

* * *

 

The next morning, Jazlynn was preparing to leave for the Western Approach. She was planning on bringing Sarena, Sera and Blackwall as well as Garrett but he would go on ahead to the tower while she and the rest of the party scouted the area. The trip there went relatively well, Sera was a bit wary of the new companion after she’d witnessed her power the night before, nobody died but many were injured. Besides, something about the Qunari stuck out like a sore thumb, something good.

One night, the two of them were alone together on guard duty. Just the two of them, sitting across from each other, on the ground, in the middle of the forest with a campfire between them. Crickets sang in the awkward silence.

“So… you’re Sera?” Sarena asked first, avoiding eye contact by looking at the ground.

“Yeah, that’s me… And you’re Sarena?”

“Uh yeah…”

“Shit, it’s not usually like this for me,” the elf cursed.

The mage let out an awkward laugh.

“Uh, do you know any tavern songs?”

“I know the one that’s about you, I think it goes like this: _Sera was never-_ ” Sarena started singing in a quiet whisper.

“Shut it you, I hate that song.”

“… Sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Augh, shit no! I didn’t mean to- It’s just that, well, it… ugh! I hate that song because it’s creepy, not because I hate you.”

Sarena smiled, “You don’t?”

“No, you… you’re nice…” she confessed breathlessly, “Whatever, sing me another tavern song.”

“Alright, I heard this one in Orlais…”

* * *

 About a week and a half had passed in the desert and this was the party’s last night in the Western Approach before they returned to Skyhold. They had no interest in staying any longer, not after what they just saw. Wardens, working with the Venatori and using blood magic? How did this even happen? Their camp was quiet, still taking everything in.

“Why? I don’t understand…” Jazlynn muttered, “They’re supposed to be the good guys.”

“They are,” replied Blackwall, “They’re good people, and they’re simply under corruption.”

“Right, it’s not their fault they let demons get right up in there,” remarked Sera.

Blackwall glared at the elf, “This is the fault of that Warden-Commander, not the wardens.”

“They should know better than to blindly follow orders from a pissbag!”

“Enough!” Jazlynn shouted, “Arguing will get us nowhere. Let’s get some rest so we have some energy for tomorrow.”

“Look at you, being all leader-like.” Sera whistled before turning to her tent, “Don’t feel like talking much anyway.”

Blackwall remained quiet as he sharpened his sword.

“I’m not quite I understand what’s going on, perhaps the wardens had good intentions but their methods got out of hand?” Sarena asked.

Jazlynn shook her head, “No good can come from siding with the Venatori.”

“Oh…”

“This reminds me of something a friend of mine said: ‘murder committed under duress, is a sin on the one who ordered it, not the one who carried out the deed.’ While I do agree with that, I feel like Sera might be right…”

Blackwall ceased sharpening his sword and abruptly stood up, “I’ll be retiring for the night.”

Jazlynn slumped her shoulders, “… maybe I shouldn’t have said that out loud.”

The qunari hummed in reply, staring at the fire.

“So, you had something to tell me back at Skyhold, didn’t you? Something about being able to stay with the Inquisition” Jazlynn asked Sarena.

She hesitated before answering, “If I stay, I’ll be going against something my father taught me. If I leave, I’ll be going against something else my father taught me."

“I see, deciding your priorities can be challenging, trust me, I know. But what does that have to do with the Ben-Hassrath?”

“It’s a long story.”

“It’s a long night, but if you don’t feel comfortable sharing that with, it’s fine.”

The anxious mage looked around her, “I’ll tell you, but please don’t share this with the Ben-Hassrath.”

“I promise.”

“When I used to live under the Qun, I was training to be a baker. I had a natural affinity for fire, or so I was told. Unfortunately, that manifested into magic and I was going to be taken away. I was so young and so scared, I ran and never looked back. In the fields, there was a farmer who had a nose and a chin like mine. He started crying when he saw my face, I asked what was wrong and he said ‘I’m your father, and I’m going to make nobody ever lays a hand on you.’ With no other choice, we became Tal-Vashoth.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re concerned about my friend telling the Qun you’re with me and then being taken away?”

“Yes, I cannot throw away everything my father did for me.”

“Hey, don’t worry,” he voice softened, “the Inquisition has authority, if I put you under my protection they will not be able to get to you.”

“Are you sure? The Qun doesn’t like to be told what to do."

“Then the Qun risks going to war the Inquisition.”


	20. Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lower your expectations, that's all I'm saying.

Everything went to shit.

But before we dive head first into this mess, some context is needed so let’s go back a couple years.

Pascaline was worried when she heard about the explosion on campus and Jazlynn hadn’t let her know she was safe. She waited and waited until her fingernails had been bitten down at the roots. She picked up her phone and sent a text, praying to whatever God that might listen to her.

_I heard about what happened on campus, are you okay?_

Sent and delivered, but no answer.

_Jazlynn?_

_Please call me when you get these, okay? I’m worried_

“Relax, it’s only been 7 minutes since you sent the first one,” she muttered absently to herself, “She could be in the shower or something.”

She double-checked to make sure her notifications were on before setting her phone down on the counter. Cleaning helped her clear her mind, she played some music while she scrubbed the inside of her oven. But by the end of twenty minutes, she feeling her anxious jitters. The tight feeling in her chest came back and she felt like she was being suffocated. She checked her phone one more time and…

Nothing.

She knew she shouldn’t do this.

But she had to know.

The silence was killing her on the inside.

She took her mug of coffee with her as she briskly walked to the living room. With a remote in her hand and mug in the other, she stood in front the TV watching the news praying for something.

“ _Alright, well thank you for the weather there Cindy and that just about covers everything today. But if you stay tuned, you’ll hear all about the latest news coming out of Hollywood,”_ spoke a young skinny blonde woman with a big smile on her face.

The mother on the other side clutched on the remote.

She couldn’t think straight anymore.

After throwing the remote on the couch she went back to her phone. Maybe she got an answer and didn’t hear it, alas, there was not a single notification. Maybe there was a problem with Jazlynn’s cell? Perhaps the phone bill didn’t go through? With a frustrated sigh, she opened her laptop to check that month’s transactions. Her reading glasses were perched on her nose, worry creasing her brow. As she scrolled through the bill, her phone made a loud ringing noise.

She dove for the device, opened it with haste she didn’t know she had.

It was not Jazlynn.

It was an email from the school.

With anxiety at her fingertips, she clicked on the email.

_Dear Mrs. Laliberté,_

_We regret to inform that as of October 15 th, 2012 your daughter has disappeared from our campus grounds. We are investigating this matter and will be forwarding any information. _

_We hope you accept our condolences-_

She stopped reading.

Pascaline was not an optimist, in this world, when young girls go missing you don’t see them again. And as much as it pains you to think this, but you wish that someone would cut their misery short so they wouldn’t have to live a life of irreparable torture.

That day, her neighbours heard the unmistakable sound of a mother wailing.

* * *

 

One week had gone by and nothing.

There are forces in this world that should not be meddled with. Some say its nuclear weapons, that such technology should never have been invented. Others say it’s the incredible speed at which a firearm can kill another being. Someone on Thedas might say it’s demons. And a select few might say it’s a mother whose child in danger. And Pascaline was downright furious. After her first and second email were ignored she marched down to the University itself. At the welcoming desk, she demanded to speak with the dean.

“I’m sorry Madame, but you must have an appointment in order to speak with Mister Woods. I’ll be happy to schedule one for you.”

“My daughter has been missing for a week, she was last seen here now tell me where the Dean is so I can get some answers,” she snapped.

The secretary went quiet, “You wouldn’t happen to be looking for Jazlynn Laliberté, would you?”

Pascaline’s answer came quick, “Yes, I am. Tell me everything you know.”

The girl bit her lip and took a deep breath, “Nobody knows Madame, as far as we know there were strange green lights coming from the Math building the night before. Classes were cancelled as a safety precaution, your daughter must’ve not gotten the memo and walked right into trouble. After that, most of the building blew up.”

“If what you say is true, they had to have dug up her body!”

The young girl shook her head solemnly, “no, they have not. There is no proof that she was even inside, anything could have happened.”

“Shit…”

A brief moment of silence hung in the air until someone else came through.

Jazlynn’s neighbour.

“Are you Jaz’s mother?” they asked.

She replied quickly, “Yes, what can you tell me about what’s happened to my daughter in that building?”

“Unfortunately, no I can’t, but I can tell you that Woodsy is being a fuckturd.”

“Jordan!” shouted the secretary.

“You know I’m right, the coward hasn’t done jack shit to even try and figure this out. Do yourself a favour lady and give the guy what he deserves or give up and move on. He’s not finding your daughter.”

No one said anything after that. The clock ticked and the computer gently hummed. The two students waited for the woman to say something, anything.

“Where is Mr. Woods’ office?”

* * *

 

As predicted, he dodged every question with ‘we’re trying our best’ and ‘this is a very perplexing case’, but in his defence, it was a perplexing case. However, after the police investigators came up empty, not a single cent was spared to search further. Therefore, after weeks of silence, students roared up a fuss. They stormed the dean’s office in packs, demanding answers, getting nothing but half-assed and over-used explanations.

“I know your generation seems to think that there’s always some conspiracy behind everything, but there isn’t! This was an attack of cheap violence, not targeted to Miss Laliberté,” argued Mr. Woods, “This can happen anywhere, you should know this by now!”

“What about making sure this doesn’t happen again? We pay on average 6500$ per year to learn here, and you can’t ensure our safety?”

“Settle down, surely you must understand that there’s not much we can do. We don’t have the funds to hire the top of line security-“

“We pay 6500$ a year! Where is that money going to?!”

“Well, it-it goes to your teachers and resources, the electricity and water. Did you know you are very lucky to have clean water?”

“Yeah, we also pay for your trips to Costa Rica!”

All they wanted was for some money to be spent on research and extra security. However, the fire settled down when the students implicated graduated with gritting teeth.

Until the new wave of young people came in.

And their fury was much brighter and fueled by a passion that never died down.

Oh, how Pascaline was delighted when Jazlynn’s story spread like wildfire. And how she even more delighted when they came to see her, asking questions and making promises for change. The woman mostly gave up finding her daughter, it was but a lingering flicker of hope to her. These days, she prayed that no mother should receive the news that she did.

But mothers did anyway.

Young people shouted at old rich people to make a change and make their learning environments safer. And the longer nothing happened, the louder their voices grew. Unfortunately, no amount of security could ever beat the force that took away Jazlynn. They learned that lesson very quickly when the same green blast happened elsewhere. The people cried for something to be done, and politicians made promises to find out what was happening. They hired scientists across the country, coincidentally, one of them was Jordan.

As expected, nothing came up for why it was happening.

But, they could predict these green explosions and evacuate areas in time. What they didn’t know what that they were rifts coming from a different world, small ones at first, insignificant enough to fade away over a short amount of time. But they grew and grew, and horrific creatures started to crawl through. When the police ran away and the army took too long, the only people protecting civilians were a group of people who lost their loved ones to these rifts. Pascaline lead the group, with Jordan at her side.

And now here we are, on the brink of a dangerous operation where Jordan is going further than anyone else.

They are going inside the rift.

Alone, with only some modern-day armour and a pocket knife.

But there wasn’t any other choice; cities were literally collapsing because of the rifts appearing spontaneously and it’s not like anyone else was going to do something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where did this come from?   
> Oh yeah, my ass.


End file.
